5 Good Reasons to Dump Her

Posted September 27th, 2006 by Amused and Bemused

Relationships are hard work. Unfortunately, some relationships are harder work than others. How do you know when you should stop working and start walking?

There are times when it becomes crystal clear that things are not good. But most times, it's not so clear. So what are the good reasons for running and what are the stupid reasons that you are going to regret later?

Being the sage guy that I am, I realize it's a waste of my time to go over all the bad reasons for breaking up with your girl. So rather than creating an exhaustive list of all the bad reasons, I've distilled it down to a list of Five Really Good Reasons You Should Dump Her:

5. You Always Have to Kiss Her @$$

Smooch ChairDo you feel like this chair, always stuck with her @$$ on your lips?

Is it all give and no take in your relationship?

Does she constantly ask you to do stupid things for her? Is she frequently bugging you to get her a soda or walk her ugly dog, like you're her butler? Does she then stare at you like you asked her to build you a Rolls Royce when you ask her to make you a stupid sandwich?

Are you constantly giving up your plans so that you can "spend time together" doing things you're never interested in doing? Do you sit around trying to hide the fact that your eyeballs are now permanently stuck to the back of your head from rolling them so much as she sits there griping once again about some inane thing a girlfriend told her the other day?

If it's clear that you're not in a partnership and you're merely a poorly paid gofer, it's time to drop the shopping bags you were carrying for her in the next muddy puddle and kiss her @$$ goodbye. (chair here)

4. She Won't Leave You Alone

Always Together Love ShirtDo you feel like you are losing your identity? Does she freak out when you say "I" and not "we"?

There are women in this world who don't understand that men need time to themselves. They do not understand the need for men to decompress from a tough day, to hang out with the guys or just to belch and be himself for awhile without someone always there making "suggestions" about whatever they are doing.

Do you have one of those women that acts like an octopus squishing the life out of you with her tentacles? Is she a woman who gets pissed every time you have a guy's night out? You may have one of those parasitic women who will work eat away at your identity until your individuality disappears.

If being together to her means you are one inseparable unit and you need to start buying your clothes so that both of you can fit inside them, you need to remember that you used to really like yourself before she came in your life. Get her out of your shirts and out of your life. (shirt here)

3. She Keeps Using You for a Punching Bag

Boyfriend Punching BagDoes a day ever go by when you are not in one type of argument or another? Is there anything she's not battling about with you?

Do you feel burdened by the weight of being perfect? If you feel that no matter what you do, it's not good enough for her, you need to figure out if it's you or her who needs fixing.

If the constant drizzle of one battle after another is eroding you down or the sight of your lady brings a sick feeling in your stomach, it could be because she using you as a human punching bag. If all she does every day is deflate you, you need to get some fresh air into your life. Knock her out of your life. (punching bag here)

2. She Likes Women More Than You Do

Dyke DollHave you ever caught her looking deeply into another woman's eyes? Do her hugs with her girlfriends make you wonder why she doesn't hug you with the same intensity?

There is probably nothing so dear to a straight man than the fantasy of being with two hot, gorgeous women. The idea of watching two ladies together can turn up the temperature of many men. (I am sitting here breaking out in a sweat just writing about the idea.) Of course, if the two women are enjoying each other because they enjoy each other more than they enjoy you, it is a completely different matter.

If you suspect that your woman likes the company of her girlfriends a little too much and she often surprises you with her ability to use power tools, you should trust your instincts when they yell "lesbo". If she likes women, staying with you does not mean she won't someday give into the temptation of being with someone really soft. When that happens, it's going to kill your sense of manhood and will destroy any semblance of cool you ever had. You will now always be the man who turned your woman gay.

So, if you suspect she prefers a "studfinder" tool to finding a real stud, you need to get out while your manhood is still arguably with you. A girl loving girl is only fun if you're a partner in the play and not the patsy. Save your sanity and dump the dyke. (dyke doll here)

1. She's Becoming a Bitter Old Hag

Sour Old Lady MaskIs she constantly complaining? Does nothing seem to bring her joy? Can you even remember the last time you laughed out loud together?

I am not suggesting you should dump your woman because she's growing old. The whole point of being together was so you can have someone to share your life with and grow old together. But there are women that do not grow finer with time. Some women get angrier as they grow older. They choose to be dissatisfied with the world and what it has "given" them. Disappointment is a heavy badge they wear with their sense of entitlement.

If you are unfortunate enough to have paired up with a woman who can not appreciate all the blessings that she has in her life (basically you), she is not going to change. She is going to become more appreciative over time. No. What she is going to do is collect all that anger, hate, and disappointment, and shoot all that ugliness right out of her mouth and right into your face.

If the old lady mask already looks too much like your woman too much of the time, trust me men when I say she's never going to look better. That sour expression she wears now will slowly get etched into her face. Then, every time you wake up in the morning, what you are going to see is that bitter, old hag in your bed. So even if she is the hottest piece of woman this side of Tucson, look to see if "bitter" and "mad" are already making their presence known on her face. If you can see it, you need to get yourself something new to look at. (mask here)

I realize these five reasons are no where near a comprehensive list of good reasons to dump your broad, but I have a life. I'll get to the other 200 when I have time.

In the meantime, if your reason for wanting to dump her is not on this list, think carefully before you kick her butt out to the curb. If you want to make sure you are doing the right thing, tell me your reasons in the comments section below and if I am feeling charitable, I will give you some free advice.

Until then, remember one fool's wacky is another fool's cool.

Amused and Bemused
Featured Blogger
AmericanInventorSpot.com

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Comments

Hey Amused: Funny

Submitted on September 27th, 2006 by Anonymous (not verified)

Hey Amused:

Funny article.

Ok, here's one. My girlfriend is getting fat. I mean really fat. I am finding it hard to be with her. I told her sh'es too fat and she needs to lose weight. She just got fatter. I never really saw myself dating a fat chick.

Good reason or bad reason? Do I dump her?

Unless it's a thyroid

Submitted on September 27th, 2006 by Sugar (not verified)

Unless it's a thyroid problem or some other medical condition she has no control over that's making her gain weight, then yes, dump her absolutely.

The fact that she's loading on the twinkies in order to satisfy herself without nary a thought about your own happiness is selfish and rude to you. Relationships are essentially built on mutual respect. It's never a good sign when one of you stops caring about how the other feels or thinks.

Life

Submitted on September 28th, 2006 by Dispaired (not verified)

Hello
I have a girlfriend for almost three years now, and now, i'm having great oportunities in my life, like studying abroad and move to bigger cities.
I'm so more smart than she, i have a bigger intelect, and she doesn't follow me in this point.
I would love to go to another country for a few months, i have this oportunity, meet people, even hanging out with other womans, but i would like to have she back to me when i came back, i can't stand the idea of not having her, and thinking about her with another man is horrible.

Dump or not dump ?

or better asking: am i dumb or not dumb ?

For dispaired

Submitted on September 28th, 2006 by Amused and Bemused

I would strongly advise you to DUMP!

If you are relatively young, which you sound like you are, there is a whole world out there waiting for you.

With the opportunity to study abroad and to live in a diffierent envronment, its foolish to give that up for a woman. If that woman is meant to be with you, it will happen. Plus, if you go away, you will either miss her so much that you will appreciate her or you will forget all about her when you see how cute all the hot city chicks can be.

Good Luck and Thanks for asking,

Amused

For Anoynymous

Submitted on September 28th, 2006 by Amused and Bemused

If the woman is bordering on the obese and you are not thinking that that is a sexy thing, I think you should DUMP.

Look, as much as we hate it, its a lookist world and her life is going to be harder is she is heavier than she should be and unhappy with life due to it or its showing through it.

Life is hard enough with a terrific partner you are totally hot for. If you did not take the vows of marriage and committment and she is not hearing you when you say she's grossing you out, there is no obligation for you to stay.

If you love her deeply in spite of her problem, then understand the life you are signing up for. You too may be featured on Half Ton Woman as the pathetic man that lives with her.

I am not saying dump someone if they gains some weight. That's stupid. But if she's getting scary heavy and its not a medical problem, then its a psychological problem. You can choose to deal with or walk from a nut case. I would walk.

If she's just a little plump but still cute, then you're an idiot as some mighty fine women have meat on them.

Amused

Reasons to Dump Her

Submitted on September 28th, 2006 by Anonymous Hugh Dickman (not verified)

(5) You find her chair more enticing than her stretcher and you'd rather pet a stool

(4) She will squeeze under your sweatshirt but not under your sweatpants

(3) Her inflatable toys put your inflatable part to shame

(2) You can feel who wears the pants in the house after looking at three braless lesbo dolls but not after looking at her

(1) Despite a face-lift and numerous expensive botox injections, she still looks worse than Jimmy Durante in a babuska

Ok, I have a real problem

Submitted on September 28th, 2006 by Tired (not verified)

I am not kidding. This is a serious question.

My girl wants to have sex all the time. I am into it but not all the time. I'm tired and frankly shes a bit boring. But she is the nicest girl?

DUMP or NO DUMP?

Geez,

Submitted on September 28th, 2006 by Anonymous (not verified)

Some of you are writing to Amused as though he is a marriage/relationship counselor!

Item 1 and 2 and she is

Submitted on September 29th, 2006 by giallo (not verified)

Item 1 and 2
and she is always telling me that I don´t love her anymore and yatta yatta yatta
that I have changed
that I dont look after her
all this boring stuff...

Dude..I have been there and

Submitted on October 25th, 2006 by Anonymous (not verified)

Dude..I have been there and it is hard.

Well, the thing is like we all get tired of the same piece of pie...especially when you are able to eat it more than 3 times a day...So here is my advice.

If you wanna keep her, try not having sex as often...and of course don't do it when you don't wanna do it. Even if she gets pissed or too pushy. Believe me....then sex will get way better and you will find her way more attractive. And know that she is going to be way hornier if she gets to wait a couple of days.

Of course...if she is a freak,...and she is not able to keep her horniness at line...then dump her.

Feel bit lost

Submitted on November 6th, 2006 by Anonymous (not verified)

Hey I’m 19 years old and I started seeing a 17 year old girl a few months back but I never really saw it getting serious! It was more of a sex thing but as time went on Somehow I ended up going out with her! I was relaxed about it all at first because the sex was good and she was a nice person but I still flirted around a bit with other girls, I felt like a bit of a stud. Problem was there was never a real "Spark", she liked me loads but I was just being the stud! Suddenly I started To feel really down and uneasy about our relationship and lost my appetite! It was like I couldn’t be with her any longer so I ended it face to face.
I just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t make it work!? the sex was great and she was nice to me all the time?
Now I just feel that she’s so nice and I loved the sex but I feel a bit lost and feel as though It should have worked out because we never rowed and she was nice! but as I said earlier the spark was never there but I have grown to respect her which makes it harder! I’m NOT CONFIDENT and cant move on any time soon and cant picture myself with another girl right now. Overall It was me stringing her along but I ended up getting attached but at the same time It didn’t feel right!? I’m single again now and my appetite is back so I must have done something right? Its like my conscience just came flooding back to me! But I can never make a decision easily!? What do you think of the situation? Thanks for reading.

Not a "stud"

Submitted on November 11th, 2006 by Anonymous (not verified)

At 19, you ought to be enrolled in college, focusing on being a stud-ent. Find a young woman over 18 and quit playing with "girls". Did you say you had grown to RESPECT the 17-year-old you had sex with???? Well, when you go to register for classes, try an ethics course.

Oh, and you are confusing "The American Inventor Spot" with "Ask Beth" or "Dear Ann Landers".

Harsh

Submitted on November 15th, 2006 by Anonymous (not verified)

Bit harsh dude! shes actually 18 now and im not 20 for 5 months so I think ur being a bit Over the top with the age gap! anyways I was only testing this site to see how good the advice was and turns out u just take the piss outa what people say. ah well

Ask stupid questions and you get stupid answers. That's not har

Submitted on November 18th, 2006 by Anonymous (not verified)

sh, that's just the way it is STUD.

Hi Feel Bit Lost: Thanks for

Submitted on November 18th, 2006 by Amused and Bemused

Hi Feel Bit Lost:

Thanks for asking my advice.

I think at 19, you don't need to do anything but enjoy what you have and be open to new relationships. Then, if you see someone better, then YOU CAN DUMP the other girl.

Just make sure you use protection so you don't wind up married to her, and don't tell her things that aren't true like you love her.

At 19, you are supposed to love and live, so enjoy it while you got it. And go get yourself others to love as well.

You may also want to re-set your expectations. If you are not amazingly hot as a guy, you will NEVER get amazingly hot woman (unless you make TONS of MONEY).

If you are an ok looking guy, all you will ever get is an okay looking girl under the laws of nature. Deal with that and just find a decent looking girls either a really nice girl or really fun as that will last longer than hotness anyway.

It's weird but most of the hottest chicks after they get married, end up being the biggest porkers sometimes, so make sure you like the insides.

Amuese and Bemused

women

Submitted on April 24th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)

Hell guys, you need to be happy on the inside first, then you let the girl choose you then never committ ok? DATE AROUND AWHILE, LIKE FIVE YEARS OR SO. stop being wussys, GOD!

Hmmm...

Submitted on March 6th, 2008 by Anonymous

I think you guys need to be dumped and not your girlfriends. You don't even know the meaning of the word LOVE. I suggest you stick to your remote controls till you know what commitment and true love means ;)

One more thing, stop whining about women, you cant live without 'em so just behave like good boys! :))

Good day everyone!