13 Perfect Gifts for the Imperfect Dad

I wrote a funny article last year for Father's Day. I was going to write an even funnier one for this year. But I really like the one I wrote last year and I also figure anyone who already saw this probably forgot how good it was, so I decided to save myself some trouble and just tell you that this is my new Father's Day article by adding a new title, adding a few more funny finds and then moving around some stuff. Brilliant, eh?

If you are looking for a more serious gift for dad, see the coolest gadgets and gizmos recommended in Gifts for Dad

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Father's Day is the worst. Every year, it's the same lame presents. Come on, you know what I am talking about!

If I never see another tie, cologne, BBQ set, belt, wallet socks, underwear, shirt, sweater or lame ass book, I will die happy. Listen up, guys and let me know if you agree with me. I think I have come up with some really novel gift ideas for dear old dad (other than the obvious stuff he really wants but I can't afford like a Porsche, the model girfriend or the giant flat screen tv).

Here's my picks for what to get the old man, depending on what type of Dad you have (together with some choice ad content from their vendors):

13. For the Dad That's Wants the Roads to Himself

Father's Day Gift Idea - Super Realistic Missile Ballons

"Off road hilarity with our cool novelty missile balloons. Strap these onto the back of your Hummer, 4WD or SUV and then do your best to outrun the incoming! Blows people away and the first thing they want to know is... where can I get some?! " It says it's not recommended for public roads but I think it'd be best on the road, don't you? Father's Day Gift

12. For the Dad Who Does Not Care Enough for His Willy

Father's Day Gift Idea - Complete Willy Care Kit

"The intimate essential for the man on the move...this gentlemans willy care kit is the perfect gift for the man who has everything else.It has four great components and comes in a great quality leather style case. Perfect grooming for mans most important asset! Leather style gift box includes:- trimming scissors, fluffing brush, sprucing mirror, willy bracelet for evening wear." Father's Day Gift

11. For the Dad Who's Love Beer More Than He Loves You

Father's Day Gift Idea - Ice Cold Beer Lamp

"This frosted beer mug lamp looks cool and frothy. Great bar decor lighting, it uses a 25 watt bulb, has a 5' lead cord and is rated for indoor use."Father's Day Gift

10. For the Dad With The Tight Wallet


Gift Idea - Instant Beeper Alarm for Open Wallets

"This... hi-tech Beeping Wallets can protect you against ...[losing your] money. The wallet beeps whenever anything is removed and continues to beep every 20 seconds to remind you to replace it. The beeping mechanism shuts off after 5 minutes." Father's Day Gift

9. For the Dad That Always Keeps Score


Father's Day Gift Idea - Pee Goal

"A trip to the gents may be relieving but now it can be exciting as well. With the new Pee Goals, you can practice your aim and you might even score...The Pee Goal consists of a green base, goal post and a little football on a string. Take aim, shoot and see if you can score a goal." Father's Day Gift (Thanks to Presurfer for the find.)

8. For the Dad Who Keeps Asking You To Cut The Grass


Father's Day Gift Idea - Remote Controlled Lawn Mower

The Mower "has evolved from three generations of high tech robots. It is state of the art and custom built to suit all mowing needs. The RCLM2006S comes with a wireless gas engine electric start. Father's Day Gift

7. For the Dad Who is Always Stinking Up the Bathroom


Father's Day Gift Idea- Poop Odor Eliminator Pills

Whiff reduces or eliminates poop odor by helping your body process and cleanse your poop's key odor-causing compounds. Whiff’s all-natural ingredients, used safely for centuries by Chinese and Native American herbalists, are specially blended for a healthier intestinal environment that lets you truthfully say, "My poop doesn't stink!" Father's Day Gift

6. For the Dad Who Wants More Kids


Father's Day Gift Idea - Try Being Knocked Up Simulator Pack

"The Empathy Belly"® Pregnancy Simulator lets you know what it feels like to be pregnant! It is a multi-component, weighted "garment" that will -- through medically accurate simulation -- enable men, women, teenage girls and boys to experience over 20 symptoms and effects of pregnancy, including: Weight gain of 30 pounds (13.6 kg.) Fetal kicking and stroking movements Shallow breathing and shortness of breath Increased blood pressure, pulse and body temperature Bladder pressure and frequency of urination Low backaches; shift in center of gravity; waddling Fatigue, irritability, and much, much more!" Father's Day Gift Idea

5. For the Dad Who Keeps Scratching Himself


Father's Day Gift Idea - Gentlemen's Silver Ball Scratcher

"...you can scratch your balls in style with this silver Gentleman’s Ball Scratcher. For times when you are alone, this superb invention, shaped and styled to a female hand, can precisely reach all nooks and crannies and allow you to scratch away ’til your balls are content.Or even in the office – this device is perfect. With a nine-inch handle people wont even see what you’re doing, as you ease the delicate hand beneath the desk and satisfy that urge...the ultimate itchy balls solution." Father's Day Gift

4. For the Dad Who Is Quick to Start a Fight


Father's Day Gift Idea - Automatic Finger Flicking Lighter

"Flip 'em the bird with this unique lighter. Push the igniter and this lighter not only produces a Green Flame,it also shouts out the phrase F%CK YOU Twice." Father's Day Gift

3. For the Dad Who's Always Hiding His Beer


Father's Day Gift Idea - Hidden Beer Belly Storage Pack

"Removable spare tire that serves your stealth beverage...Now you can take up to 80oz. of your favorite beverage wherever you go... Even where "they" don't want you to! The Beerbelly is made up of an insulated neoprene “sling” and a polyurethane “bladder” with a tube for dispensing. The bladder is held in an insulated pouch in the sling which is worn under your clothing for concealment. When worn, it looks just like a beerbelly, and stays cold for hours!" Father's Day Gift

2. For the Dad Who's Always Adjusting Himself

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Father's Day Gift Idea - Fur Cushioned Padded Nylon Panties for Men

"These custom panties are terrific.I've lined the crotch in the softest furry fabric.They "FEEL" like Fluffy Yummy Marshmallow Clouds.Treat yourself today." Father's Day Gift Idea

1. For the Dad That Always Complains About How Far the Bar Is

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Father's Day Gift Idea - Instant Inflatable Pub for His Back Yard

"The pub is 40ft long, 19ft wide and 22ft high. It can be customised for use as a fully working pub, with room for a bar and 30 customers. See it here

So what do you think? Did I pick some good ideas for stuff that Dad's REALLY need? What are you getting the old man for Father's Day?

Amused and Bemused
Featured Blogger

if you are really serious about getting Dad a cool gift, you may want to check out Best Gadget Gift Ideas of 2007 , or 7 Gadget Gifts to Make Dad Like You Again or 5 Kid Toy's Dad Would Love for Father's Day.