May 28, 2006
by Smokey The Bear (not verified)

Disturbing Find on Brokeback Mountain

A bizarre but unconfirmed report is circulating around ABC studios, but no one has been willing to discuss on camera what it all means or who is behind it, although rumors are flying.

The following details come from an unidentified forest ranger who was horseback riding alone on the mountain when he encountered the abandoned satanic-like site:

From a distance, I thought I saw a white SOS flag or something so went to investigate. When I approached the scene, I saw a pentagon etched in the ground with two pairs of men's shitty briefs hung on a pole at its center, being displayed like a flag or some kind of symbol of worship. Also on the ground was a burned-out campfire and a partially burned men's red, green, and yellow Hawaiian shirt and fragments of an expensive foreign-made men's dark-colored suit. Laying next to the pentagon was a rather large but faceless blue cloth doll that lacked any distinguishing features other than the grotesque find: signs that it had been sexually assaulted and mutilated and then smeared with the blood of the nearby chicken that had been slain in sacrifice. Although there clearly had been two men at the scene, there was, oddly enough, only one bicycle tire track visible.

It was such a sick, perverted scene that the ranger was not able to finish making his statement, but did say he thought that this was some kind of old New England thought-provoking practice that apparently was reinvented by eccentric millionaires or affluent MENSA imposters.

May 30, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Can Doug Sing?

If so, maybe he could go on "American Idol" and--win or lose--immediately try for an extreme makeover like Clay Aiken. I mean, Clay initially really was achin' but is now transformed.

May 31, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Doug has a HUGE smile on his face

because he just saw himself in a mirror.

Jun 2, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Doug's "Carefree" Attire

It is really very careless. Does he have any idea how painful it is for others to have to look at those....those FLOOR-ALL shirts?

And I think he goes barefooted because his feet (not to mention his private body parts) are so small that he'd have to get shoes to fit in the boys' section.

The only attire that he can buy in the adult men's department is hats since he does have a big head.

Jun 2, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Father's Day is Coming

Why don't Doug's children buy him a decent shirt for Father's Day? They do still make the paisley blouses that can be found in the women's department, which is where Doug usually gets the Hawaiian shirts.

Or, for Christ's sake, get the man some dress shoes or Donald Duck slippers.

Jun 2, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Break it down: doughallphoto

DOUGH ALL PHOTO. He is the Dough Boy.

Jun 3, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)


Doug really does need some tastier Ranch Dressing. Right now, he has red, green, yellow, and Bleu Cheesy.

Jun 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Be Careful What You Wish For

Doug could go Zesty Italian!

Jun 8, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

The Hawaiian Shirt

It was painful enough looking at his shirts when he was on TV, but I recently saw a similar Hawaiian shirt advertised on the front page of a JCPenney flyer. I believe it was on sale for a whopping $14.99 or something.

Since we know Doug has TWO of these shirts (red and green), we now also know that his entire wardrobe costs under $30. Eureka!

Jun 10, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Doug To Wear Dressier Clothes on Next Season's AI

Doug has decided to dress up a little more on next season's American Inventor show: He has reportedly purchased two Hawaiian ties to wear with his shirts. Talk about spiffy.