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May 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)



May 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

What is it for?

Are we supposed to glare at his picture, or what?

May 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Doug must be looking at....

....another lady/tramp/slut in a bow!

May 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

No, I think Doug is trying to figure out

why he let the bathroom doorclip move to the next round and how a little piece of plastic could be a great American invention in the 2lst Century.

May 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

What Doug's REALLY doing:

It looks like he is either sitting on the flatulence cushion and/or he shit his pants while trying out the cushion and now doesn't know what to do.

May 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

He's Smiling at the Millions He Will Make...

off of the "bathroom survival kit", which is more of HIS idea than hers. "I want you to...." is what Doug told her to do. This is a classic case of the hell with your passion or anyone else's--the bottom line is: How much money can I make off of the product? If I can make a piece of plastic for pennnies and sell the "product" for dollars, I'm rich...barefoot, but rich.

Doug saw a goldmine with the idea and advanced it for ulterior motives. I bet she will be having caviar and champagne with Doug AGAIN.

May 5, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

No, he is sitting next to someone

who is testing the flatulence cushion, but it did NOT work.

May 5, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)


I think he is thinking that he really doesn't like the hairwig liner, but that he WOULD like to try on the woman's wig, a dress, pantyhose, and high heels AGAIN.

May 7, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

No, he's just realized...

...that Peter doesn't look bad at all from the rear.

May 8, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

What is Doug thinking?

He is wondering if he would attract more personally appealing inventors if he changed Eureka! Ranch to Brokeback! Ranch.

May 8, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Doug's wondering...

...what the SacMaster guy would look like in a bow.

May 8, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Perhaps he is thinking about...


May 8, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Guilty feelings

He has guilty feelings over sending the dog A/C boy home because he didn't want the boy to surpass what he had done by age 12, not because he didn't like the idea.

May 8, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

He's wondering....

how long it is going to take before someone calls him on that IQ test score and realize that he wears Hawaiian shirts because he feels more like Gilligan.

May 8, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

He is trying to figure out

He is trying to figure out if he could wear a flatulence cushion under his Depends.

May 9, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

He is thinking about telling everyone

that he was the model for the Planters Mr. Peanut banks.

May 10, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

He's considering a "threesome"

with "Peter" and, hopefully, another person named "Dick".

May 28, 2006
by Mary Lou (not verified)

Dear Doug,

I miss you so much! No words can explain my passion for you or what I would do to have another chance to be with you--and ONLY you. (Peter is okay, but I want ALL of your lucious body for myself!) After careful consideration, I have decided to pose for you in the Naughty Knot afterall. I know I overreacted on stage, but I could not stand even the thought of you looking at another woman. (Plus you were sitting closer to Peter than you were to me.)

You know my passion and you know you are my cute little lei man--but, of course, far from a novice in the world of business. I will meet you anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances, and will bring Peter along if you insist. Just PLEASE try to get away from your nagging wife and try to rent a real room this time. I mean, the doorclip works okay but we were, nonetheless, still in a public restroom--not exactly kosher for someone of our standing.

Love always,
You know who,
Mary boo hoo

PS I hope you didn't forget that I REALLY know what women want....I just hope you still got it, my little lei man.

May 28, 2006
by Niya (not verified)

Niya's Award-Winning Poem

Mary had a little lamb
But was looking for a scam

So she wooed the great Doug Hall
And patiently waited for his call

Oh, my darling, you look so cute
Plus I simply adore all your loot

Can you come to my house, I'm in quite a bind
Just yank the naughty knot to see what you'll find

The great Doug hall, not socially adept
Pulled on her nose until she wept

I said "knot", not "snot", you filthy slob
Do you know how many friends I have in the mob?

Next it was Doug's turn to cry
Mary disrobed and revealed she's a guy

Jun 4, 2006
by Ed Ed. (not verified)

Doug--You Have Your Nerve!

I thought you were my friend and I believed you when you told me that you thought Mary Lou is a dog, but you left out the part about how she begs for you.

I guess you didn't think I'd be reading this section since I told you I like the one about "Not for the anal retentive." I confided in you--and only you--and told you about my long-term psychiatric disorder in which I despise all the shit that comes out of me. You said you could identify with that and so I thought we had a special bond. You are--make that "were"--like an incestuous brother to me.

The TV stardom must be corrupting you. I honestly don't know what to say to you anymore, but you can be assured that I won't be staying overnight at the Ranch anymore--at least not in the same bedroom.

Now you "X"


PS You may keep the ring...Peter gave it back to me.

Jun 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

I think he'd be a hunk

IF he lost 50 pounds,
got contact lenses
got a whole new wardrobe
got a decent toupee
knocked that shit-eating grin off his face
quite bragging about being a lifetime member of MENSA
wore shoes
changed his personality
occasionally gave other people credit when due
stopped paying so much attention to his Ranch hands

Other than that, he's fine.

Jun 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

He reminds me of

Hoss from the "Bonanza" series, but I know that Hoss would have never even considered wearing that kind of shirt--except maybe when cleaning out the barn and picking up manure.

Jun 8, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Hawaiian Shirts

Is it my imagination, or does he have TWO of the same patterns, one in red/blue/yellow and another in green/blue/yellow?

Does he really like them that much that he would buy (or take from a Good Will or Salvation Army box) the same one?? Incredible. (And not very imaginative or creative.)

Jun 10, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

I think he is cute