What is it for?
Are we supposed to glare at his picture, or what?
Doug must be looking at....
....another lady/tramp/slut in a bow!
No, I think Doug is trying to figure out
why he let the bathroom doorclip move to the next round and how a little piece of plastic could be a great American invention in the 2lst Century.
What Doug's REALLY doing:
It looks like he is either sitting on the flatulence cushion and/or he shit his pants while trying out the cushion and now doesn't know what to do.
He's Smiling at the Millions He Will Make...
off of the "bathroom survival kit", which is more of HIS idea than hers. "I want you to...." is what Doug told her to do. This is a classic case of the hell with your passion or anyone else's--the bottom line is: How much money can I make off of the product? If I can make a piece of plastic for pennnies and sell the "product" for dollars, I'm rich...barefoot, but rich.
Doug saw a goldmine with the idea and advanced it for ulterior motives. I bet she will be having caviar and champagne with Doug AGAIN.
No, he is sitting next to someone
who is testing the flatulence cushion, but it did NOT work.
I think he is thinking that he really doesn't like the hairwig liner, but that he WOULD like to try on the woman's wig, a dress, pantyhose, and high heels AGAIN.
No, he's just realized...
...that Peter doesn't look bad at all from the rear.
What is Doug thinking?
He is wondering if he would attract more personally appealing inventors if he changed Eureka! Ranch to Brokeback! Ranch.
...what the SacMaster guy would look like in a bow.
Perhaps he is thinking about...
He has guilty feelings over sending the dog A/C boy home because he didn't want the boy to surpass what he had done by age 12, not because he didn't like the idea.
how long it is going to take before someone calls him on that IQ test score and realize that he wears Hawaiian shirts because he feels more like Gilligan.
He is trying to figure out
He is trying to figure out if he could wear a flatulence cushion under his Depends.
He is thinking about telling everyone
that he was the model for the Planters Mr. Peanut banks.
He's considering a "threesome"
with "Peter" and, hopefully, another person named "Dick".
I miss you so much! No words can explain my passion for you or what I would do to have another chance to be with you--and ONLY you. (Peter is okay, but I want ALL of your lucious body for myself!) After careful consideration, I have decided to pose for you in the Naughty Knot afterall. I know I overreacted on stage, but I could not stand even the thought of you looking at another woman. (Plus you were sitting closer to Peter than you were to me.)
You know my passion and you know you are my cute little lei man--but, of course, far from a novice in the world of business. I will meet you anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances, and will bring Peter along if you insist. Just PLEASE try to get away from your nagging wife and try to rent a real room this time. I mean, the doorclip works okay but we were, nonetheless, still in a public restroom--not exactly kosher for someone of our standing.
You know who,
Mary boo hoo
PS I hope you didn't forget that I REALLY know what women want....I just hope you still got it, my little lei man.
Niya's Award-Winning Poem
Mary had a little lamb
But was looking for a scam
So she wooed the great Doug Hall
And patiently waited for his call
Oh, my darling, you look so cute
Plus I simply adore all your loot
Can you come to my house, I'm in quite a bind
Just yank the naughty knot to see what you'll find
The great Doug hall, not socially adept
Pulled on her nose until she wept
I said "knot", not "snot", you filthy slob
Do you know how many friends I have in the mob?
Next it was Doug's turn to cry
Mary disrobed and revealed she's a guy
Doug--You Have Your Nerve!
I thought you were my friend and I believed you when you told me that you thought Mary Lou is a dog, but you left out the part about how she begs for you.
I guess you didn't think I'd be reading this section since I told you I like the one about "Not for the anal retentive." I confided in you--and only you--and told you about my long-term psychiatric disorder in which I despise all the shit that comes out of me. You said you could identify with that and so I thought we had a special bond. You are--make that "were"--like an incestuous brother to me.
The TV stardom must be corrupting you. I honestly don't know what to say to you anymore, but you can be assured that I won't be staying overnight at the Ranch anymore--at least not in the same bedroom.
Now you "X"
PS You may keep the ring...Peter gave it back to me.
I think he'd be a hunk
IF he lost 50 pounds,
got contact lenses
got a whole new wardrobe
got a decent toupee
knocked that shit-eating grin off his face
quite bragging about being a lifetime member of MENSA
changed his personality
occasionally gave other people credit when due
stopped paying so much attention to his Ranch hands
Other than that, he's fine.
He reminds me of
Hoss from the "Bonanza" series, but I know that Hoss would have never even considered wearing that kind of shirt--except maybe when cleaning out the barn and picking up manure.
Is it my imagination, or does he have TWO of the same patterns, one in red/blue/yellow and another in green/blue/yellow?
Does he really like them that much that he would buy (or take from a Good Will or Salvation Army box) the same one?? Incredible. (And not very imaginative or creative.)
I think he is cute
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