10 Ways to REALLY Piss Off Your Woman
Do you need relationship counseling?
Are the sparks of your relationship slowly becoming dying embers?
My relationship advice to you is try pissing off your mate. Yup, I mean it!
I was in a bitter and nasty mood this week.Everyone I knew was getting on my nerves and I just wanted to hurt them. But my "better half" was in a cheery and chirpy mood. Too darn happy, in my opinion.
I realized this week that, as a couple, my wife and I were getting along a bit TOO well these days. We've been together long enough to work out many of the kinks, so there is little that creates drama and tension in our lives. We get along well. So, we are not one of those couples constantly shopping for relationship counseling.
But there are times when I want a little fun. I want the sparks to fly.
Watching my wife when she's hopping mad is fun, in an oddly satisfying sort of way. So there are times when I intentionally make her crazy. Frankly, Ithink she's really hot when she's pissed. The prospect of intimacy is a lot more exciting when you know that there's just no way you are going to get anywhere near her, and you have to find a way to win your way back into her arms. If you ever feel that your relationship is missing some spark, and you want to have a little fun, I have a few ideas for you to try before you go off looking for a relationship counselor. Just make sure you don't do anything you can't get her to forgive you for.
Here are 10 Great Ways to Really Piss Off Your Woman (or 10 Great Ways to Avoid a Relationship Counselor):
Need Relationship Counseling? Try This:
Idea 10: Make Her Scream Her Head Off
You need to plan this out carefully. Make sure to choose a night when she is really exhausted and feeling brittle. Be super nice and supportive, so she calmly drifts off to sleep.
Then, go quietly to the next room and get the Horse Head Pillow (that you some how have figured out how to chill so that it feels cold and damp). Lay it down next to her right where you normally sleep. Scamper around to get the fake blood you bought (make absolutely sure it's the washable kind or you are surely dead meat!!) all over the sheets and the floor around the bed. Stand over the bed trying not to giggle too loudly as you watch her sleeping and wait for her to try to cuddle you. Observe carefully as she drifts awake and tries to figure out what is in bed with her. Savor the feeling of anticipation as she opens her eyes.
Voila, you got yourself an instant heart attack! If you don't have your woman screaming hysterically and jumping 10 feet off the bed, your woman is not a normal woman and needs to be institutionalized. (See Relationship Advice Idea Here)
Idea 9: Make Her Stop Talking to Her Friends
If you have a very social woman in your life (and by social, I mean constantly yapping on the phone about someone's breasts looking too big (as if that's even possible) or whether this season's toe nail polish colors are "flattering"), you may be one of those guys who can put an incoming phone call blocking device to really good use.
To ensure that your attempts at sparking up your relationship have the necessary impact, you need think ahead. You will need to set up your honeya few weeks before you actually install the device to adequately play on your honey's insecurities. A few weeks before D-Day, you should casually mention that you think so and so has seemed a bit cold lately and ask if your womanhas noticed so and so being a bit distant. Ask her if she has done anything to upset so and so? Then, a few days later, mention that you overheard one of your honey's other friends talking to her husband and saying that she was really annoyed with your woman. Make sure you pick a trait that you actuallyfind annoying about her so that it is aplausible point of annoyance for other people. Then, for about two weeks, any time a few hours goes by without the phone ringing, mention that it sure is quiet around the house when the phone is not constantly ringing. Finally,on D-Day, turn off the incoming calls. (Oh, you need to make sure to turn off her cell phone or accidentally lose it so she can't find it for the days that the house phone is shut off. A quiet weekend will probably work best).
Sit there with an innocent looking face and enjoy the snickers you try to keep to yourself as she starts wondering why no one is calling her. When she sounds particularly worried, remind her that you had heard from so and so that your honey does have a tendency to be...whatever and that she really should change that if she wants to have friends. Watch with unbridled amusement as she gets wackier and wackier as no one calls her for days.
See how long it can go on before she finally figures out what you have done.
Idea 8: Call Her Mean Names in Front of Her Friends
For this idea, to work, you should choose a special event that is important to her, like a birthday or an anniversary. Go out of your way to be nice and charming, and make a big show of getting her friends together to celebrate her special day. Make sure to invite the friends who are not really friends but friends that she's always competing with and wanting to impress. After dinner, make a big show of making a great toast and announcing what a unique person your wife is.Bring out a lavishly gift-wrapped box. Tell everyone that you couldn’t help thinking of your wife immediately when you saw this present and that you are sure that everyone else would agree that this is perfect for her.Let her open up the beautiful box of B*tch Perfume. And laugh when everyone sees what you got her and act like you think you are the funniest guy on the planet, cuz you are!