What You Need To Be Cool in College

Going off to college? Got all the necessary school supplies?

One of my sons is going off to college this year. It got me thinking of what I need to send him off with so that he has everything he needs to be successful in school.

I guess success means different things to different folks. For me, success means the obvious things like not flunking out of school. It also means that my kid is popular and is known on campus as one of the cool kids and not one of the dorks.

To help him be cool, I came up with some items I am going to send off with him. I don't think many of the students in his college will have these items, but I am sure they will wish they did.

Here's my list of some of the Things You Need To Be Cool in College:

Wake Yourself Up with a Siren Alarm Clock

Emergency Siren AlarmEmergency Siren Alarm

Never miss a class or an important test.

Just set this "sure to wake you up" siren alarm clock with blaring lights to turn on every morning for your 8:00 AM class. Make sure to set it early to give you lots of extra time to get ready. Don't be afraid to let the whole dorm know about your morning class since they should be up and studying anyway. Your friends will be especiallay happy on weekends mornings when you set it for your sunrise jog.

This is sure to get you noticed in your dorm for your commitment to being on time. (School supplies found here.)

Rob Proof Your Room with A Brief Safe

Brief SafeBrief Safe This ingenious device will help protect your valuables in plain site. Keep a pair of these laying around (making sure to add a few Doo Doo stink drops to them) and no one will be likely to go anywhere near them when they go looking for twenty bucks to "borrow".

Don't be one of those guys that people take advantage of. (School supplies found here.)

Fake a Healthy Glow While You Study

USB Tanning CenterUSB Tanning Center With the ingenious and portable Tanning Center, you can easily maintain a healthy outdoor glow while you stay inside studying. Keep an all year round tan without any muss or fuss. No one needs to know you never leave your room.

Just picture the envy on everyone's pale and pasty faces. (School supplies found here.)

Find Out People's Secrets with a Tiny Screw Camera

Tiny Screw CameraTiny Screw Camera With a tiny wireless camera hidden behind this screw, you can record everything that goes on in your room or anywhere else on campus. Think of what great information you will have from recording your roommates private rituals, or the ladies room shower.

Imagine how popular you will be when you find out people's secrets and then use them to blackmail people to be your slaves at the school. (School supplies found here. )

Don't Let Anyone Get Away With a Silent Fart

Fart DetectorFart Detector

It's one thing to pass a toot and take ownership. It's quite another to pretend it was someone else is breaking wind around you. Never let anyone falsely accuse you of lacking wind control. Anytime someone tries to quietly pass some gas, pull out your handy Fart Detector. You can make sure the person who is the stink culprit is quickly brought to eveyone's attention, and you can even tell them in quantifiable terms how really noxious they are.

Farting is something every true man would be proud of. Your are doing the fart culprit a favor by forcing him to accept his role as a man in the world. (School supplies found here)

Never Get Caught Looking Stupid Again

Censor Bar GlassesCensor Bar GlassesNever get caught in an unflattering picture or doing anything you'd be ashamed of. Wear these censor bar glasses and keep your identity hidden from the world. No one needs to know the stupid jerk is you.

The anonymity that it will provide you will enable let the true you come out. (School supplies found here.)

Always Show Where Your Are Headed

IndicatearsIndicatears Avoid the embarrassment of having someone accidentally bump into you when you are walking around campus. With this nifty device, you can easily show folks which direction you plan to go. You can appear cool and collected by letting your ears do the talking for you.(School Supplies - Indicatears may have been discontinued.)

Well, I think it's pretty clear that if you go to college with these novel items, you are surely to be well known around your school. Make a fast name for yourself and be one of the cool kids instantly. You're welcome!

See all my great wacky invention articles here.

Amused and Bemused
Featured Blogger

Sep 17, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

i think your kid will be the

i think your kid will be the biggest dork on campus

Mar 27, 2008
by Anonymous


Your kid is just going to sell all of that junk to get money for beer and weed.

Apr 8, 2008
by Anonymous


crazy but smart my friend.....

Jun 12, 2008
by Anonymous


someone will probably kick your kid in the face.

Jun 15, 2008
by Anonymous

You're like the world's

You're like the world's worst parent for suggesting your child bring lame things to college.

Jun 19, 2008
by Anonymous


after being in school for a bit now, i realize that i needed none of the things you are showing. i made it out alive without dirty undies holding my money.

who ever has this stuff will be deemed a geek.....

except for the alarm clock....my bf uses that and it helped him get to class

Jun 22, 2008
by Michelle
Michelle's picture

The writer is being

The writer is being sarcastic...get it, it's all a joke.  Amused writes about wacky and stupid stuff.

Jun 26, 2008
by Anonymous

oh i salute the comment above me.


Jul 10, 2008
by Anonymous


Just let your kid be himself w/o any of those stuff. 'coz it'll cause him major social suicide!

Jul 25, 2008
by Anonymous


No, YOU guys are dumb. Idiots.

"You're like the world's worst parent"

You're like, the world's worst person! Come on, kids. JOKE.

Aug 21, 2008
by Anonymous


dude, that underwear was gross :(
P.S. If someone actually had an alarm clock that woke up the whole dorm BEFORE 8:00am, I would punch them in the face every morning... yay college :D

Aug 22, 2008
by Anonymous

Just... no


1. If my room mate ever had this alarm clock and it woke me up at 8 in the morning, my most likely reaction would be punching him in the face without a moment's hesitation.

2. I agree, this shit's gonna be gone in a week tops. Chances are he'll sell it for beer and weed.

3. Get him a friggen laptop! Binders, pens, pencils, a car would be nice haha. The things you really need in college.

Aug 25, 2008
by Anonymous


your son will get a gang beat down, then later in the day
someone will end up givin him a stone cold stunner and kickin him in the tiny sack that he has

Aug 30, 2008
by Anonymous

Omg you all take things way

Omg you all take things way too seriously! This is a joke and made me laugh. It's pointless crap no one needs. SARCASM!!!

Jan 4, 2009
by Anonymous

oh what!!!yeah i'm pretty

oh what!!!yeah i'm pretty sure he'll be sucessful......!!!!