Japan has a drinking problem... but if you've got a thirst for adventure, it's where you want to be.
In honor (or in horror) of these bizarre beverages seemingly not fit to rinse your septic tank, raise a cracked glass to the Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks, our first ten inductees into the Soft Drink Hell of Fame... Jeers!

Our rundown of the Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks gives a pretty good indication why most of the 1000 or so new soft drinks and beverages launched in Japan every year fail miserably.
Look on the bright side, though: they may not be good to drink, but you can't say they're not good for a laugh.

When American companies introduce products tailored for foreign tastes, we often experience discomfiting culture shock. Sort of like when Homer Simpson uses his toaster time machine to go back 10 million years, steps on a slug, and then comes back to an oddly different world. Maybe that really did happen, and Springfield is now Tokyo! Exhibit A: Pepsi Ice Cucumber, introduced to the Japanese soft drinks market and Pepsi vending machines on June 12th (2007) and to our Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks listing immediately thereafter. Pepsi? Good... Cucumbers? Great! Cucumber-flavored Pepsi? DOH!!
Cue suave voiceover: "Next time you're out on the town with the one you love, treat her to a cup of Hot Calpis"... then trudge home alone after she pours it over your head. Yes, delicious Calpis - I can't even read it without grinning - is known as Calpico in other countries (for obvious reasons) and is one of Japan's most popular and enduring soft drinks . Milk-based with a sweet yogurt taste, Calpis comes in original and a variety of fruit flavors. Some drink vending machines offer this bizarre beverage hot... steaming hot.
Ahh, refreshing Coolpis... THE soft drink to offer guests - before removing their blindfolds. Actually a Korean copy of the disturbingly named Calpis, Coolpis comes in Peach flavor and (stop reading now, if you can...) Kimchee flavor. Kimchee, for those unacquainted, is a traditional Korean dish made from fermented cabbage and LOTS of red pepper. Makes Peach flavored Coolpis almost appealing, doesn't it? Anyone for a Calpis vs. Coolpis taste test? We could call it a pis-ing contest.

And now, for something close to the heart... Mother's Milk. Is there anything in the world more wholesome, more natural, more life-giving than mother's milk? Is there anything in the world that would make you drink it from a store bought carton? NO, on both counts. If I was a baby, maybe, but not from an udder - I mean, another - mother! We shudder to think of the scene inside one of the manufacturer's factories... those poor farmgirls, milkmaids or what have you, shackled up to cold, pitiless machines that never, ever stop... and then I woke up.

After chugging down a pint of Mother's Milk, head on down to your local Black Vinegar Juice bar to give it a good curdling. Black vinegar is noted for its health benefits; the trouble has always been making it drinkable.
Mixing it into bizarre soft drinks with soy milk, blood orange juice or blueberry juice is supposed to solve that problem, but we remain skeptical. At least you can splash some on the salad (via Plastic Bamboo).
The creative types at Coca-Cola (yes, THAT Coca-Cola) who devised Water Salad are probably still shell-shocked from the New Coke and C2 soft drink fiascos and wouldn't risk another.. or would they? Water Salad is... well... salad-flavored water. You know, the stuff you get after centrifuging your rinsed romaine in the salad spinner. Funny, we pour it down the drain here; in Japan they can it and put it up for sale in a varied selection of flavors. Not laughing now, are you, smart guy?? (via Trendhunter)
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The Kimchee drink is Korean,
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)The Kimchee drink is Korean, or at least the writing on the package suggests so.
...but distributed in Japan
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Steve LevensteinSo it says in the article, but since it's distributed in Japan you can still have that comparo with Calpis - if you dare!
So obscene, numbers 1
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)So obscene, numbers 1 through 5 have been obscured for our safety!
Sorry about the glitch eith
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by MichelleSorry about the glitch eith numbers 1 to 5. We had a slight mishap with the site this morning with some bad html coding.
It's back up now.
Michelle
You missed 2 from the US
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Kearns (not verified)Can you believe that US children can drink Root BEER and Ginger ALE?
you forgot to add Picari
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)you forgot to add Picari Sweat to the list
Yes.
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Ron S (not verified)Yes, we can. It's very popular in North America.
Now where to get it..
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonomoso (not verified)I really want to order some of this stuff... Anybody have any idea how to? what site? I gotta have me some water salad...what in the world could that taste like???
What about Pocari Sweat?
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)What about Pocari Sweat?
ohnohs!
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by TV SHow (not verified)You missed out on Pokari Sweat (yes pokari sweat is the real name)! It's an energy drink!
http://inventorspot.com/comment/reply/5225 (Pocari Sweat Image)
try expanding your horizons
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)try expanding your horizons and appreciate other cultures instead of making fun of them in unimaginitive and immature ways.
The "Diet Water" surely has
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Tiago Silva (not verified)The "Diet Water" surely has levocarnitine or other sort of bullshit.
Guaraná is harmless, if you don't ingest in copious amounts.
No sweat...
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Steve LevensteinPocari Sweat is pretty well known... I'm out to shock & awe ya'll. Y'never know, though, it might make it onto the Next 20 listing...
Whoa! Are you kidding me?!?!
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)Whoa! Are you kidding me?!?! Like, It's SOOO like strange that they don't drink coca-cola, sprite, coffee, tea and ginger ale all over the world! - especially the non-english speaking countries! you've just blown my mind... yes I'm being sarcastic. Welcome to century 20 - people in other countries like different things and don't necessarily blame beverages for the degeneration of their youth - which is why, I would hazard a guess in saying that the Japanese consumer watchdog saw nothing wrong with it. As an aside, the word "piss" does not necessarily translate to urine in Japanese. what are you going to find funny next? that they have words that sound like "f*ck you" in other languages dialects? grow a brain. The world does not revolve around the American market and yes, there are products out there with names that are not English based.
You forgot Pocari Sweat!
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by KD (not verified)You forgot Pocari Sweat! Good list though. I should try that cucumber pepsi before it goes off the shelves. Just for the experience....
And fix your blog to support
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)And fix your blog to support line breaks for comments!
Diet water
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by belg4mit (not verified)This is probably like the Belgian brand Contrex. It's marketed as diet under the supposition that the particular blend of minerals it contains aids in weight loss.
haha. laughing more at the
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)haha. laughing more at the douchebags that got upset than the actual drinks.
They sell calpico around
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)They sell calpico around here, it's actually pretty good.
More
Submitted on June 18th, 2007 by Joe (not verified)Kirin makes these sodas:
Monkey Fizz
Salty Cat
Bloody Wolf
I've had Monkey Fizz. It's grape soda. With a little vinegar.
Cucumber Pepsi
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Riot (not verified)Tried some yesterday, it's actually pretty good. Can't say I've tried the kimchee drink. Can't say I'm going to either :)
Pocari Sweat isn't an energy
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)Pocari Sweat isn't an energy drink, it's the Japanese version of Gatorade.
By the way, this whole lets make fun of Japanese brand names was funny 10 years ago. I mean there are all kinds of websites devoted to Engrish stuff already. Oh my god, Calpis? Jesus it's not like people haven't been making fun of that name for years already.
Don't you have any thing new to offer Levinstein?
"Kidsbeer" in Denmark / Scandinavia
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)I allways had alcohol free beer as a kid - nothing odd there... Probably a lot healthier and more natural than carbonated, synthetic sugar water...
What we have here in Denmark is an low alcohol or alcohol free, very dark, very sweet beer called "hvidt øl" that is traditional around xmas, and normally also consumed by kids.
Historically before brewers were able to brew modern high alcohol beer, low alcohol beer was a cleaner, disease free alternative to drinking water in europe... and kids drank it too :)
I don't understand what's
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)I don't understand what's wrong with Kidsbeer.
Here in Germany, we tend to drink beer - real beer - at the age of 6 already.
what about asparagus
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)what about asparagus drink?
http://www.kinglucky.com.tw/eng-product_f.htm
Asparagus Drink
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)Surely deserves some recognition for its weirdness
http://www.kinglucky.com.tw/eng-product_f.htm
Asparagus Drink
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)What about asparagus drink?
http://www.kinglucky.com.tw/eng-product_f.htm
Chinese products can be funny too
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Steve LevensteinThe vile-sounding Asparagus Drink is weird in itself, that's for sure, but it's already been noted that i included a Korean drink (Coolpis) on the list even tho it's distributed in Japan. The Asparagas Drink comes from Taiwan.
I assume you mean Pocari
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)I assume you mean Pocari Sweat? At least in Korea that's what its called and it is quite good too.
Guaraná is actually a
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)Guaraná is actually a brazilian berry who happens to be the main ingredient of the second best selling soft drink in Brazil too. In its original formula, it resembles a darker champaign (in fact, the leader of the category is called Guarana Antarctica Champaign). There you go...
BIlk!
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Laurel Rinkya (not verified)I guess this is a beer and not a soft drink, but it is bizarre!
Japan also has Bilk- Beer and Milk combined!
http://rinkya.blogspot.com/2007/01/bilk-goes-on-sale-tomorrow.html
Bilk??
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Steve LevensteinBilk?? I guess "Meer" was already taken by the Russians, for their space station. Great blog, Laura!
Here in the UK
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Raku (not verified)Kids can buy shandy.....it even has alcohol in it!!!
there is no such thing in
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)there is no such thing in korea...
kimchee drink????? hmmmm no way...
yeah kimchee is korean food but it is also popular in Japan too
kimchee flavor drink is japanese idea
Shandy's dandy
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Steve LevensteinHow do they advertise it? It's the marketing campaign for Kidsbeer that struck me as even more bizarre than the drink itself. Shandy, Root Beer, & Ginger Ale all sound rather beer-ish but they don't sell themselves as, well, kid's beers. In Canada, a "shandy" is made with half a bottle of beer mixed with half a bottle of Ginger Ale - really good on a hot summer day!
Hillarious!
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Myamii (not verified)Oh man, by the time I got to Kidsbeer I was laughing so hard I was crying. Thanks for the great post!
Boo
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)Not sure if Deepresso is the opposite of Expresso, but it may be the opposite of ESpresso!! Maybe check your own spelling and grammar before making fun.
Boo Boo
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Steve LevensteinWell EX-cuuuuse me! And stop making fun of my spelling, lol!
hi
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by YouGotLinks (not verified)www.yougotlinks.com
and Bilk?
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Kaishin (not verified)Where is the Bilk???
You want Bilk? You got Bilk!
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Steve Levensteinhttp://www.japanprobe.com/?p=1059
Supposedly the same brewery also has "Scallop Beer"...
I may need to work up a "Next Ten" list.
kids beer
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by nate (not verified)Only america thinks beer is evil.
every other country thinks giving kids toy guns is much tougher to justify.
so long as beer is dirty and guns are for 5 year olds, the states will retain the highest murder rate.
Calpis
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Tony Y (not verified)I've actually HAD Calpis (in New York actually, they sell em in this Japanese grocery store). It's actually pretty good. Pocari Sweat too...mmmm sweat. Actually, Pocari is just a sports drink/Gatorade kinda thing, but I think it tastes better than both the name suggests and Gatorade itself. Go try them, I recommend it. :)
No sweat
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Steve LevensteinPocari Sweat isn't bad at all, neither is Calpis - we get both on occasion from our local Japanese mart. My son loves Calpis, especially in a six-pack of juice boxes. So for those 2, the drink itself isn't weird, it's just the naming. Japanese advertisers like to play fast & loose with English - in Spain, "Water Salad" would probably be called "Salada de Agua" or something and wouldn't make anyone's list.
As for Pocari Sweat, it does sound odd but not odd enough for a Top 10 list, just too much good competition
Wasabi and Curry flavored Ramune Drinks
Submitted on June 19th, 2007 by Bunny (not verified)I'm living in Japan for a year and at the supermarket yesterday we found wasabi flavored ramune (the pop with a marble sealing it) and curry flavored ramune... didn't dare try it. Tried the ice cucumber tho, that stuff is wierd... the after-taste is artificial cucumber, wierd.
Malk?
Submitted on June 20th, 2007 by Bart (not verified)How about Malk? Now with Vitamin R!
where is this coolpis?
Submitted on June 20th, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)I've lived in Korea for 5 years and never seen Coolpis. Gunna go shopping for it now on my pisbreak. I'm guessing its a refrigerate after opening kinda beverage. Nothing worse than lukewarmpis.
coolpis Kimchi
Submitted on June 21st, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)I think the coolpis Kimchi is a photoshop. Coolpis is a real juice that is available in any supermarket. However, there is no Kimchi flavour available in South Korea. Unless the Japanese really really love Kimchi?
nice drink
Submitted on June 22nd, 2007 by Anonymous (not verified)that mother's milk sounds kinda cool. i wouldn't mind trying it...
Some US soft drinks aren't much better...
Submitted on June 22nd, 2007 by HidariMak (not verified)Jones Soda has a few candidates for any similar lists covering North American beverages. Turkey and gravy soda, pumpkin pie soda, brussel sprouts soda, cranberry soda, and pumpkin pie soda are some of their "contributions" to the industry. Jonessoda[dot]com in case you're doubting it.
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