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Wacky Ways to Lose Weight

Working on my article on Weight Loss Gadgets for the Lazy and Unmotivated last week, I came upon some really unusual ways people try to lose weight.

Here are my picks for some of the wackiest products people use to try to lose a few pounds:

 

Sweat Yourself Skinny

Vinyl Sauna SuitVinyl Sauna Suit

This vinyl sauna suit is a 2 piece heavy-duty suit made of vinly that is designed to retain body heat. It seems that vinly is an "effective sweat aid which uses natural body heat generated from any type of low or intensive high-energy physical exercise to increase perspiration during your work out." According to the merchant, this vinyl suit helps with the "DEHYDRATION PROCESS" through which "perspiration stimulates the entire body, thus helping to rid the body of excess water weight gain, and evenly melt... away unwanted body fat." To me, dehydration hardly sounds healthy. Isn't that how people die?

One of the features of the suit is that it "Wipes clean with damp cloth". All I can think is peeeu youuu! Can you just imagine how that suit would smell after just one use? I guess I should have called this section "stink yourself skinny" instead. (See Weight Loss Product.)

 

Wash Yourself Skinny

Aoquili Diet SoapAoquili Diet SoapWell, after creating a stink in your vinyl sweat suit, you'll need to clean yourself up.

AOQILI is a unique weight loss soap that the merchant says is made from "the elixirs of undersea plants, including rare seaweed." The merchant goes on to say that "the unique qualities are its defeating agents which penetrate to the subcutaneous layer to assist in the elimination of fat layers. It contains many kinds of trace elements, vitamins and minerals, which reduce the accumulation of series fluid and estrange the skin. Given some time, you will be surprised to find that your body has become slender ... Even when used on highly sensitive skin, it causes neither stimulation nor ache. ... It makes your weight control simple, convenient,and relaxed." (See Weight Loss Product)

I love the idea of losing weight but am not sure I want to feel "defeated". It's one of the few times when losing is supposed to feel good, right? I wonder what the english challenged merchant was actually trying to say. Any guesses?

 

Caffeine Yourself Skinny

Caffeine TightsCaffeine TightsWell, when you feel defeated and down, it's a pretty sure bet that caffeine will help pick you back up.

I understand that moderate doses of caffeine boost the metabolism, thereby helping our bodies fight our tendency to get fat.

Here's an ingenious way of getting your needed fix of caffeine...wear it.

Palmers “Slim Fit 20” caffeine tights helps "trim inches from thighs, reduces the appearance of cellulite and reduce[s] the dreaded “orange peel” effect."

The merchant explains that the way the tights work is that body heat releases caffeine microcapsules into the leg, thus promoting the metabolism to kick in and start burning the fat. (See Weight Loss Product.)

I would much rather just drink caffeine to get skinny (preferably in the form of a tall mochaccino with extra whipped cream), rather than have to wear some binding tights that are sure to squeeze my manly parts a bit too tightly. Shoot, if I needed help looking good and making my legs look oh so pretty, all I need would be a great looking tan to help hide the pudge spots.

Tan Yourself Skinny

Ray of Hope SunscreenRay of Hope SunscreenThe merchant for this Get Skinny As You Tan products which is appropriately named "Ray of Hope" asks in their marketing materials "Want the ‘outside’ skinny?"

I think that's a ridiculous question. What type of marketing drivel is that? Is there a difference between being fat on the outside versus the inside? Who would need their product if all it was going to make people look obese on the outside and skinny on the inside? No one need a product that helps them make their outside fat! For goodness sakes, all of us fat people in America are trying to find the cure for that!

The merchant goes on to say "It's a two-in-one. A tan and tone. A sun and slim. ...This new water-resistant broad spectrum sunscreen actually helps you fight the look of fat while lying on the beach! With exclusive sun-activated spheres that release the visual slimming effect of caffeine molecules when you need them most— while baring the better part of your birthday suit in the sun—in a non-greasy spray formula of hydrating antioxidants and aloe." (See Weight Loss Product via Diet-Blog.)

To me, "sun-activated spheres that release the visually slimming effect" sounds alot like gases that create delusions. My translation of this marketing mumbo jumbo is sniff a noseful and you'll believe you are skinny.

 

Spray Yourself Skinny

SLIMistSLIMist

If sniffing "sun-activated spheres" doesn't make you believe you are skinny, you may want to try sniffing something else. (Hehe.)

The SLIMist weight loss spray program has 'two distinct components - an intra oral spray and three scent inhalers, called Scentsifiers" to help you get skinny. The merchants for this products says that the "SLIMist spray formulation is a combination of three of the most thoroughly researched weight loss ingredients over the past 30 years. ...These three ingredients are hydroxycitric acid (HCA), chromium and levocarnitine (L-Carnitine)."(See Weight Loss Product.)

Basically, I think you are supposed to spray this on your body and you will lose your appetite. I figure a good whiff of the sauna sweat suit would probably make you lose your appetite too.

 

Lick Your Lips Skinny

Promise Appetite SuppressantPromise Appetite Suppressant

If sniffing sprays does not alleviate your constant hunger pangs, maybe the constantly licking your lips until you look like the scarier than the original version of Ronald McDonald will do the trick.

PROMISE is a lip product that is supposed to help you get skinny. The merchant says that PROMISE is "applied to the lips of people that are snacking and picking at food or tempted to eat large meals. When the urge to snack or have a large meal strikes... Apply liberally to your lips. Use it as often as necessary. It 'helps' curb your appetite. A weight management tool. You can use it as often as you like." (See Weight Loss Product via Diet-Blog).

All I can think is that even if you are skinnier, going around with your tongue hanging out of your mouth constantly licking your lips will probably make you look like a version of the big bad wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. Frankly, I would much rather be fat than look foolish drooling all the time.

Writing about licking my lips has gotten me thinking about all the foods that make my mouth drool. I think I need to go get me some crispy fried chicken with mashed potatoes drowning in hot gravy. All this weight loss talk is making me hungry. You too?

Amused and Bemused
InventorSpot.com

Comments
Sep 6, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Why do they need this stuff?

I don't know why people don't just stop feeding their fat faces and just decide to lose weight.

Come on people, just stop opening your mouth and move your ass a little and you'll lose weight.

I am sick of all this crap about obesity as a medical issue. There is nothing medical about eating too much junk and not ever getting off their fat asses.

Sep 6, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

You are an idiot!

It's clear that you don't know much other than how to be obnoxious.

Obesity is a problem because the bodies we are born with are not made for a modern society of vast abundance and lettle physical labor.

It may be easy for you to lose weight but for some of us who struggle everyday, it's really not just a matter of not eating.

Everything around us prods us to eat. Have you ever seen the tv commercials, and the stores that all tempt us with junk?

Why is it that we don't ever see a commercial for fruits and vegetable?

Sep 6, 2006
by Matt Wood

I'll Tell You Why

"Why is it that we don't ever see a commercial for fruits and vegetable?"

Yearly "Daily Pyramid" Health Ad budget in United States: Around $200,000

Yearly "Junk Food" Budgets (Hershey+M&M's+all junk food) is around $100,000,000

Sep 7, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

It is a medical problem.

It is a medical problem. It's become an obsessive thing for a lot of people.

You know how some people scrub their hands constantly? Some people do the same with food.

Sep 7, 2006
by Svavar Savage (not verified)

Sweating might work

I think the sweatsuit works.
People tell me at the gym, that if i'm sweating it's working.... allso i heard a story of the former strongest man in the world, Jón Páll. that when he had to cut down fat he took a spinning class in a sauna in some kind of a rainware... i don't know if its true. but i think it just might work ;).

Sep 7, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

I hope all those suckers now

I hope all those suckers now realize that America is a nation of stupidity and obesity.

Sep 7, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Whats with the obession with

Whats with the obession with weight!

Sep 7, 2006
by Autumn (not verified)

I kinda agree with the first

I kinda agree with the first poster, in a much less harsher sense you cant expect anything, pill or other matter to lose the weight for you, Granted it may help the process along but you do have to get motivated To get up and do things, The person who posted with the title "youre an idiot" is unjustifiably blaming marketing on obesity. Over indulgence is not a problem caused by the media, it's caused by lack of self control. However people also need to stop being so idealistic, The average woman is about a size 16 i believe it was, not a size zero. not to mention, not everyones body is made to be a size zero, somepeople just carry a heavier build and they need to stop obsessing over false ideals.

Sep 7, 2006
by Big Mike (not verified)

Fat-thus expert!

As a life-long fat guy, let me say that, "Close your mouth and move your a**" doesn't always work. In fact, that is the worst thing to do. To severely restrict calories causes your metabolism to slow down, thus defeating the purpose. The best things someone can do who has a propensity toward being a tub o' lard, like myself, is to find an intake that will keep you from getting fatter, and be happy. Exercise, yes, eat meats as well as fruits and vegetables, (stay away from crap like siomple carbs), and be happy you aren't washing yourself with a rag on a stick.

Sep 9, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

I think those of us who want

I think those of us who want to drop a few pounds should start following the regimes of competitive eating winners. Sonya Thomas (aka Black Widow) weighs 105 pounds and is the #1 eating champion in the U.S. (third in the world).
In one contest she ate 37 hotdogs in 12 minutes..so how does she get it all in her, and how does she get it all out??!!
I don't think any weight loss program has studied these
kind of people. We are hung up on carbs and colorie counting. So, how do they stretch their stomach and fill it with carbs, sugar (whatever the competition)without gaining fat cells?

Sep 9, 2006
by Fat people suck (not verified)

fat people suck

Fat people are fat because they are lazy and undisciplined. All they need to do is show a little self control when they eat and exercise a little and they won't be fat. F**** Fat People!

Sep 9, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Oh come on, you fattist. Why

Oh come on, you fattist.

Why is it that you can't say anything about anyone more in this politically correct world but fat people are often accepted as safe for hate.

Who the gave you the right to criticize what I look like to you? I f you don't like the way I look, too bad.

I don't like the fact that poeple like you insenstive idiots but I still have to deal with you.

Sep 10, 2006
by Justin (not verified)

Exercise is the key to true weightloss

I have to say I agree with both sides of the argument above. Closing your mouth does work... but it is definitely not healthy. I am a former wrestler (not professional haha) but high school Greco-Roman. Well if anyone knows how to cut weight it is a wrestler. Each season I had to cut 30 pounds of weight. Everyone concentrates on not eating. The fact is that America is getting lazy... If you want a healthy way of losing weight then you have to exercise. Not only that you have to keep a routine with your exercise. I remember my first year of college I began to gain weight and every couple of weeks I would get in a "workout" mode where I would just workout really hard then feel better about myself for about 2 weeks then I would workout again. All I was doing was torturing myself. The truth is you have to find a workout that you can truly enjoy (that is the problem most of us cant find that haha) but if you do just stick with that and keep a routine and you will lose weight. (Its also not too bad of an idea to try and stay away from greasy fried foods and cokes) My first 10 pounds of weight loss in wrestling were very easy to lose... I simply gave up drinking coca cola and switched to WATER, juice, and milk. You will be amazed the change something as simple as that can make. Another thing all of these diets are soo strict I found it much easier to diet when I said I wasn't going to drink cokes unless I really really really wanted it. The way that worked out is I'll have maybe 1 coke every 1 or 2 weeks. That is much healthier than chugging down 2-5 a day. Not that any of you have even read this far down on this. Well good luck. Weight loss can definitely be a pain.

Sep 10, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Ha! Switch to juice and lose weight? Are you kidding?

Most juice has about 160 calories per 8 ounce serving. There are some low-calorie juices that are okay, but I still don't see how that would enable anyone to lose any or much weight.

Age is a factor. It is more difficult to lose weight at an older age since it is more difficult to be as active as when you are young and strong. Add some medical problems and surgeries, and the task gets even harder. Some of you who are now young and critical of older overweight people may change your attitudes when you are older....and much heavier.

Sep 10, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Competitive Eating "Winners"

Sound like losers to me to pig out on that much food at once. Instead of throwing a party to celebrate their "win", they just throw up.

How about the "Hollywood" twiggies--don't some/most/almost all use various legal and illegal drugs to control their diets and weight? Their "meth-od" may very well include meth. And their "diet coke" ain't Coca Cola--at least not the contemporary recipe's ingredients.

Don't be "food"--there are many "cheaters" out there. The people who try to lose weight the "proper" ways aren't very successful.

Sep 11, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

losing weight

I find the insensitivy and discrimination placed on big boned people by moderen society to be unfair. Would you go into the childrens ICU and make fun of them for bone marrow disease? NO, but you think nothing of charging pleasantly plump people twice as much on airplanes...

It is a medical condition and it deserves the same consideration as other conditions like cancer and blood disease!

lol, just kidding, I agree. Do less eating, do more moving.
no excuses. Sorry mother nature is so rough, but that is the way life as been on this 3rd rock since time started, a the biggies need to deal with it.

Jan 1, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Hmm..

I agree that it is hard to lose weight. But, you got that way for a reason. It is different if you ACTUALLY have a major health problem. But, I have found that many overweight people "blame" their being that way on a "health problem" when in fact it is just them being caught up in life and gaining a little weight here and there until they wake up one morning try to put on some clothes and realize that it no longer fits. I have been in this situation and I agree that it sucks to be considered "overweight." But if we take a look back, were there this many overweight people 100 years ago?.. The answer is NO! Why? Because people had real jobs with real lifting and didnt sit behind a computer all day, or be a stay at home mom that just watches tv all day and eats herself into another 20 pounds. If you are overweight, you can't blame it on advertising or "fast food," that is just making excuses for your bad decisions throughout the day. Once you begin to accept that it is YOUR decision to stop eating the things you eat it will make it alot easier. Losing weight can be an uphill battle for most. But you can do it! Just think, don't lose weight because you feel that society won't except you if you dont, lost weight so you can live and play with your kids without getting winded, and so you can see them get married, and have kids of their own. Good Luck!!

Jan 1, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Cheesy, but "Just Do It"

I know it's cheesy, but Nike's long-time ad slogan, "just do it," is really the only thing that works. I've lost over 100 pounds and I didn't use only one diet. It took me about 2 years and I went through 3 or 4 different types of diets, but the one thing that was constant was that I kept plugging away and kept exercising, lifting weights and running. And yes, I used the sauna, because it makes your skin feel tight and clean and healthy and feeling that way might just be what you need to keep the motivation and discipline to diet the next day. And yes, some people, lots of people including myself, are metabolically resistant to losing weight, but that doesn't mean they can't do it. It's just harder, like someone genetically predisposed to alchoholism is more likely to be an alcoholic but isn't guaranteed to. It's more difficult, but it's still do-able. Another important thing is that you have to use a diet that works with your situation and as your situation changes, the diet has to change too. On body image, people need to stop with this "accept yourself the way you are" business, it's self-destructive. That's like telling a 6-year-old to quit school, accept themself the way they are. They'd never learn anything and be crippled for life. Dieting's the same. Never accept mediocrity, you've got to have a vision of how you want to look, and that vision must include capability. It must be a vision of faster, stronger, leaner, more capable. Being fat is a handicap that's totally correctable with some hard work. Also, the scale, tape measure, and mirror are a compass for the diet. You'd get lost and never know from day to day if you were going the right direction without them, so you must use them often. Almost any diet will work, else it wouldn't have been passed along and you wouldn't have heard of it. In the end, just do it.

Jan 3, 2007
by juli (not verified)

It's true most fat people

It's true most fat people are FAT because of lack of effort...

want to lose weight fast and enjoyable?

go to the dominican republic...plenty of water is the best way to lose weight. Coca-Cola around my village is rear..so i had it about a can a day...the food is delicious...and you can have plenty of it...fresh grapefruit juice twice a day (i am not a fan but it's alright as long as i squeeze my nose) a whole lot of relaxation and a walk for 15 minutes everyday is the key.
i lost 60lbs in 3 months doing absolutely nothing... size 22 to a size 16 and i loved it.

2 friends have done the same and are planning their return. believe me it works!

email me if you would like to know more
morenatriste99@aol.com my name is juli

Jan 22, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Anorexic

Well I think that the people on here that say the media has nothing to do with being over weight are unmistakabley wrong. To be socially accepted as pretty or beautiful you have to be thin its just the simple fact.. but weight is not the only thing more and more women now a days are getting breast implants why? because thats what "they" say is beautiful granted that if you dont have a pretty face you are not accepted as beautiful either thus plastic surgery but why would these people go to such extremety to be perfect the media says we have to if being overweight meant you were beautiful dont kid yourself you know that a lot of people would then try to be overweight I know it sounds like it would never happen because being overweight is unhealthy and ugly.. but you only think that because you were raised by the media that thin was beautiful I will be truthful I think thin is beautiful but if i were raised were the media thought big was beautiful I would probably think that bis was beautiful.. The media has raised us to think this way .. Media has everything to do with being overweight...We have such a problem with being overweight because temptation we all give in .! we are overweight we want to be skinny yet we still eat these fatty food but instead of making more fatty foods why dont we work on something that is very healthy for you but tastes like a candy bar how come that isnt invented yet? Because people buy snickers not a bag of celery..Money the people have everything to do with us being overweight so does Media obesity is a problem a definite problem! That can only be fixed if we get together and change how we choose to buy thing if noone bought candy bars and started buying celery companies would be competiting then to create something that has all the values of celery yet tastes wonderful so we would buy that stop buying fatty foods and we will get more healthy foods!!!!!!!!!!!

Jan 23, 2007
by Athletic Trainer (not verified)

dehydration as weight loss

For those of you that think that dehydration is a good weight loss technique, think again. When you dehydrate yourself in a rubber suit and see the pounds "melt away", you are losing water weight, not fat. Water is a large part of your body and when you dehydrate yourself, you see the numbers get lower on the scale, but you are not actually losing the type of weight you want to lose, such as fat.

Your body is hydrated for a reason and when you take that water away, your body does not function properly. More stress is put on your organs to do important daily functions.

Dehydration and rubber suits are NOT the way to lose weight. Acually, it puts your body at risk for bigger problems than you being overweight. There is no quick fix for being over weight. Dehydration especially.

Jan 24, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

all of u sticking up for the

all of u sticking up for the fat people are probably fat asses yourselves.. its not a damn medical condition. its called being lazy and eating to much. get off your asses and exercise and stop eating so much junk.. its not that hard

Feb 4, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Right

Shut up you illiterate fool. You can't even use simple grammar correctly and you are bringing these people down? Fuck you man, it is a condition and i am not fat. I recognize that it is genetically predetermined and it is at times unavoidable so shut the fuck up and read.

Feb 7, 2007
by J-Man (not verified)

You idiots who are in denial

You idiots who are in denial about eating disorders, SERIOUSLY need to do some research before you just jump up and say "get off your fat asses and stop eating so damn much" . Until you know what it's like to be judged and abused by society because of your size, then you don't have ANY damn business saying things like that. I had a friend who had this phrase "what may be like reciting the alphabet for one, may be like pulling teeth for another.", it may be cheesey but it's true. I don't give a damn HOW fast your metabolism is, or HOW many hours of exercise you get in a week. "I exercise everyday and I don't eat junk food! I don't see why you fat pigs can't do it! I did it" PLEASE! It may be simple for you,everyone is different. You have no real right judge those who don't do it, nor do you have any real right to assume that everyone can just do it like that just because YOU get up and do it every day. That's YOU. Instead, give some REAL advice, and instead of acting like EVERY obese person is trying to blame their obesity on someone else, LISTEN to what that person may have to say, you might just learn something. Help them out, don't bring them down. I mean, no one has the same body, or the same metabolism and so on. So what may seem like "pigging out" to you may actually be a more serious situation for that person who is doing the "pigging out". You just don't know, and since you don't know, it's best you take your own advice and "keep your mouth shut".

Feb 13, 2007
by i feel fat its not that easy (not verified)

i am always thinking im fat!!!!!!!!!

You know what stop complaining about fat people.... When you look at some girls they are over weight but you cant tell. Another thing its not that easy to lose weight for some of us. i have thought of being anorexic or bulimic my friends always complain im not fat but i am well at least i think i am i get up and dressed and looking in miror thinking who is that ugly fat girl. I deal with temptations over not eating some times at lunch i wanna go sit in a stall and just get away but my friends convince me to come and then i dont wanna eat there but then every one will show sympathy.....What im trying to say FAT looks good on some girls just go on a low carb diet but it doesnt work all the time. Dont stuuf your faces all the time so yah bye....

Feb 19, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

um wow

ok look people who are standing up for the fatties. Fat people are like people who smoke. They say they cant help it and they tried to stop (lose weight) but they just couldnt ya know why? cause depending on when you try to quit (or lose weight) the more addictive you have become (the more fat you got and the more lazy you got) so it just seems to hard to do, but its not a mental disorder where you cant help it. We have no problem telling people who smoke they should stop, but if we see somebody shoving their faces with a burger praticly dripping with saturated fat we keep our mouths shut because its rude and they just cant help it.... it makes me laugh the people who are extremly over weight need to do something about it, its gonna take a long time cause youve gotten "so addicted" that you either dont wanna stop or youve gotten so lazy you feel you cant do it, just do it or at least try to and when i say try to that doesnt mean get off the couch walk to the door than go back to the couch and scream out "i give up i just cant do it!!!" lol you gotta work hard! you can do it!

Feb 22, 2007
by Overeater's Anonymous (not verified)

You are all right (to an extent)

I found that I could not stop eating.  The self hatred, the bewilderment, the terrible health, whatever it was, it was not enough to relieve me of the obsession with food.  Eating disorder, eating smishorder.  Who cares why I constantly overate?  The only thing that matters is that I found a solution to my problem.

The obsession with food overpowered all other thoughts so that I always picked up that first compulsive bite.  By joining OA, I found the power to be able to stop.  I don't diet, I don't eat wacky foods or drinks, I don't over-exercise and I don't have a compulsion to overeat anymore.

OA is free.  All contributions are voluntary.  I go to the meetings, take what I can use, and leave the rest.  But does it work?  I know people who have abstained from compulsive overeating for 10-20 years and maintained normal body weights.

If you think you need help, go to oa.org and find a meeting near you.

May 7, 2007
by David H. (not verified)

It's easy to be a critic and have no answers!

Go ahead knock it all down. It is interesting that there are google ads for weight loss. Lets hear some answers. Every body is different. I myself have used a weight loss gel that does work. Along with other suggested suppliments. It works! I used a body suit it helped. Get some real input and research and then comment! You sound like a moron!

Dec 4, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

i dont think that means ur

i dont think that means ur fat i think u have self asteem issues

Dec 20, 2007
by Sammy (not verified)

BWAHAH

that's hilarious.
well done my dear.
:D