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Wacky Ways to Lose Weight

Working on my article on Weight Loss Gadgets for the Lazy and Unmotivated last week, I came upon some really unusual ways people try to lose weight.

Here are my picks for some of the wackiest products people use to try to lose a few pounds:

 

Sweat Yourself Skinny

Vinyl Sauna SuitVinyl Sauna Suit

This vinyl sauna suit is a 2 piece heavy-duty suit made of vinly that is designed to retain body heat. It seems that vinly is an "effective sweat aid which uses natural body heat generated from any type of low or intensive high-energy physical exercise to increase perspiration during your work out." According to the merchant, this vinyl suit helps with the "DEHYDRATION PROCESS" through which "perspiration stimulates the entire body, thus helping to rid the body of excess water weight gain, and evenly melt... away unwanted body fat." To me, dehydration hardly sounds healthy. Isn't that how people die?

One of the features of the suit is that it "Wipes clean with damp cloth". All I can think is peeeu youuu! Can you just imagine how that suit would smell after just one use? I guess I should have called this section "stink yourself skinny" instead. (See Weight Loss Product.)

 

Wash Yourself Skinny

Aoquili Diet SoapAoquili Diet SoapWell, after creating a stink in your vinyl sweat suit, you'll need to clean yourself up.

AOQILI is a unique weight loss soap that the merchant says is made from "the elixirs of undersea plants, including rare seaweed." The merchant goes on to say that "the unique qualities are its defeating agents which penetrate to the subcutaneous layer to assist in the elimination of fat layers. It contains many kinds of trace elements, vitamins and minerals, which reduce the accumulation of series fluid and estrange the skin. Given some time, you will be surprised to find that your body has become slender ... Even when used on highly sensitive skin, it causes neither stimulation nor ache. ... It makes your weight control simple, convenient,and relaxed." (See Weight Loss Product)

I love the idea of losing weight but am not sure I want to feel "defeated". It's one of the few times when losing is supposed to feel good, right? I wonder what the english challenged merchant was actually trying to say. Any guesses?

 

Caffeine Yourself Skinny

Caffeine TightsCaffeine TightsWell, when you feel defeated and down, it's a pretty sure bet that caffeine will help pick you back up.

I understand that moderate doses of caffeine boost the metabolism, thereby helping our bodies fight our tendency to get fat.

Here's an ingenious way of getting your needed fix of caffeine...wear it.

Palmers “Slim Fit 20” caffeine tights helps "trim inches from thighs, reduces the appearance of cellulite and reduce[s] the dreaded “orange peel” effect."

The merchant explains that the way the tights work is that body heat releases caffeine microcapsules into the leg, thus promoting the metabolism to kick in and start burning the fat. (See Weight Loss Product.)

I would much rather just drink caffeine to get skinny (preferably in the form of a tall mochaccino with extra whipped cream), rather than have to wear some binding tights that are sure to squeeze my manly parts a bit too tightly. Shoot, if I needed help looking good and making my legs look oh so pretty, all I need would be a great looking tan to help hide the pudge spots.

Tan Yourself Skinny

Ray of Hope SunscreenRay of Hope SunscreenThe merchant for this Get Skinny As You Tan products which is appropriately named "Ray of Hope" asks in their marketing materials "Want the ‘outside’ skinny?"

I think that's a ridiculous question. What type of marketing drivel is that? Is there a difference between being fat on the outside versus the inside? Who would need their product if all it was going to make people look obese on the outside and skinny on the inside? No one need a product that helps them make their outside fat! For goodness sakes, all of us fat people in America are trying to find the cure for that!

The merchant goes on to say "It's a two-in-one. A tan and tone. A sun and slim. ...This new water-resistant broad spectrum sunscreen actually helps you fight the look of fat while lying on the beach! With exclusive sun-activated spheres that release the visual slimming effect of caffeine molecules when you need them most— while baring the better part of your birthday suit in the sun—in a non-greasy spray formula of hydrating antioxidants and aloe." (See Weight Loss Product via Diet-Blog.)

To me, "sun-activated spheres that release the visually slimming effect" sounds alot like gases that create delusions. My translation of this marketing mumbo jumbo is sniff a noseful and you'll believe you are skinny.

 

Spray Yourself Skinny

SLIMistSLIMist

If sniffing "sun-activated spheres" doesn't make you believe you are skinny, you may want to try sniffing something else. (Hehe.)

The SLIMist weight loss spray program has 'two distinct components - an intra oral spray and three scent inhalers, called Scentsifiers" to help you get skinny. The merchants for this products says that the "SLIMist spray formulation is a combination of three of the most thoroughly researched weight loss ingredients over the past 30 years. ...These three ingredients are hydroxycitric acid (HCA), chromium and levocarnitine (L-Carnitine)."(See Weight Loss Product.)

Basically, I think you are supposed to spray this on your body and you will lose your appetite. I figure a good whiff of the sauna sweat suit would probably make you lose your appetite too.

 

Lick Your Lips Skinny

Promise Appetite SuppressantPromise Appetite Suppressant

If sniffing sprays does not alleviate your constant hunger pangs, maybe the constantly licking your lips until you look like the scarier than the original version of Ronald McDonald will do the trick.

PROMISE is a lip product that is supposed to help you get skinny. The merchant says that PROMISE is "applied to the lips of people that are snacking and picking at food or tempted to eat large meals. When the urge to snack or have a large meal strikes... Apply liberally to your lips. Use it as often as necessary. It 'helps' curb your appetite. A weight management tool. You can use it as often as you like." (See Weight Loss Product via Diet-Blog).

All I can think is that even if you are skinnier, going around with your tongue hanging out of your mouth constantly licking your lips will probably make you look like a version of the big bad wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. Frankly, I would much rather be fat than look foolish drooling all the time.

Writing about licking my lips has gotten me thinking about all the foods that make my mouth drool. I think I need to go get me some crispy fried chicken with mashed potatoes drowning in hot gravy. All this weight loss talk is making me hungry. You too?

Amused and Bemused
InventorSpot.com

Comments
Apr 8, 2008
by Anonymous

Let's See

Well first to all the people telling fat people to get off there a** trust me I’m off mine I exercise and I eat way less then my skinny friends and you know what your hating, and anger make me want to stay big. God must want me this way cause I have tried a lot of things but as soon as I hit puberty it was all weight gain for me...and those saying ignorant things have you looked at yourself, you must have some internal problems if you have this much hatred over someone who has a little extra weight on them. If I got on a site and said f*** skinny people I would get all types of h*ll. It's ok though I know I’m fat, succulent as I like to call it :) I also know that many people like me this way that’s why this is America cause it's diverse from color, size, or sex. Secondly Keep hope alive big people

Apr 8, 2008
by Anonymous

Totaly right

Its totaly right. I might get in trouble for this but its the FDA's fault to. They are putting the drug CAFFIENE in the junk food which makes people want more of the food, which makes them fat asses. But its also their fault cause they can't get off their wide load ass and work! If they want to cut weight, talk to a wrestler!

Apr 8, 2008
by Anonymous

FDA IS BAD

Since you are talking about the FDA i will say something to. The FDA comes up with these perscription drugs that supposobly help you but not your wallet. Did you know that there are NATURAL remedys for disesase such as breast cancer herpies and even AIDS! These cures are found in herbs and oils. The FDA doesnt want you to know this because they wont make any money if people use natural remedys. The FDA did not say any thing about all these cures for one reason:''MONEY''. Find out more online from kevin treadus book NATURAL CURES THEY DONT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT. -KEVIN SUPPORTER

Apr 9, 2008
by Anonymous

Apologize

Hey, im the same guy who wrote FDA IS BAD. And i would like to apologize to the FDA. the FDA keeps us safe by recalling unsafe foods and drugs.i was just mad when i saw kevin trudue's book. Again, FDA I hope you accept my apolige and forgive my actions...sorry...

Apr 9, 2008
by Anonymous

What?

What? Why would you talk **** about the fda that way?!

Apr 9, 2008
by Anonymous

Hey

Hey annoynmus shut the heck up and mind your god dang bussiness! Ok?

Apr 24, 2008
by Anonymous

To all My Fattie brotha's

all i have to say is. haha? haha? ahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhaaaaaaaahhahah

May 2, 2008
by Anonymous

Dont hate.

Seriously, don't everyone hate fat people. Yes I acknowledge I am fat. But I accept that's my fault. I've tried to lose weight, and I'm simply not disciplined enough to do it. It isnt a disease, it's just my own lack of application. But that's no reason to call us all evil. Also, Nicotine addiction is a serious thing, it has physical and chemical addiction aspects to it, where when someone stops, chemicals in their brain cause them to go in withdrawl, so dont compare fat people to nicotine addicts, as nicotine addiction is serious, where as fat people like me are just lazy. But that's no reason to hate, it's not like we're clubbing baby seals with homeless people.

May 6, 2008
by Anonymous

I'm fat and learning to love myself.

Why are those who have never dealt with this problem criticizing others dealing with it? They haven't a clue what it is like to live large from age four. Many of you are not medical doctors and have no degrees in the sciences. However, I see your opinions, often rude and characterized by hate and misunderstanding, to be thrown out here like you are, indeed, experts. Get over yourselves and try to help others who are going through problems that you actually have or have conquered. You have not conquered obesity if you have never been obese.

Im' trying Phentermine now and it's helped a great deal. It's apparently fairly safe and I have spoken, at length, with my two medical doctors about the health benefits and cons associated with it. I have high blood pressure and depression and it does increase blood pressure, but not in any great way.

Best,

May 12, 2008
by Anonymous

Im fatttttt

Hey.. Im fat(i weigh 140 lbs.)... some people like to be that way.. the weight looks good on my cousin because he is 5'10.5'' so yeah... dont knock fat people.. it aint nice!

May 17, 2008
by Anonymous

wow angry people

I’m shocked that people are getting so angry about other people's weight I will admit honestly that I’m overweight, obese even at 292lb but that is my problem and has nothing to do with any one else. I don’t hate you for having buckteeth or a lazy eye or for being just plain idiotic, that’s you problem and has nothing to do with me. I really think we should all have more important things to be angry about, because really if all you have to be angry about is someone else’s weight problem your life must really be pretty d*** good!

Jun 6, 2008
by Anonymous

What are you talking about?

All right David H., first of all, who the heck has heard of a weight losing gel? Second, diet pills can't be the ONLY way you lost weight! That's BS! Diet and exercisie is the REAL key to losing weight. Not f***ing pills!! This is what P90X promotes! Diet and exercise! Seems to me you're too lazy to get of you butt and lift a dumbell so you'd rather pop a pill! I have done my research, now you need to do yours! SO S***W OFF PAL!!!

Jun 20, 2008
by Anonymous

On the fence

I think there is some validity to the arguments about "getting off your ass and doing something", however, not all people are built the same. I personally do not need to lose weight, I am healthy and look great, but I work VERY hard to maintain my weight. A typical day in my diet / exercise routine includes:
3/4 cup of oatmeal for breakfast (and NOT the sugary packaged crap, I'm talking about OATS boiled in water, with milk on top, no sugar).
1/2 cup of orange juice
one apple and a small handful of unsalted nuts for a snack mid morning
a can of tuna & a homemade fruit smoothie for lunch (the smoothie consists of a handful of frozen fruit, a banana, a little water, and three small spoonfuls of low calorie peach yogurt)
in the afternoon comes my treat, 3 arrowroot cookies (90 calories total).
then comes dinner, which varies, but usually a spinach salad, or maybe an egg-white omelette, sometimes i'll make fajitas but wrap them in lettuce instead of the high calorie tortilla wraps, and skip the sour cream, just veggies, chicken and salsa.
I eat nothing after 7pm, and drink lots of water
I don't think anyone could argue I overeat, I also run about 7kms about 4 times a week, and hit the gym to do some weights about twice a week. I have a job where I stand and walk around all day (not exactly physical labour but not sitting at a desk.
Now here's the real kicker... my boyfriend is a TWIG. He eats so much crap you wouldn't believe it and complains that he can't GAIN weight. He has never been to the gym since I've known him, and does not run or play any sports (other than golf...). I feed him mountains of food and he eats whatever yummy treats he wants, whenever he wants. I did a calculation once and figured he probably eats about 4000 calories in a typical day, and he hates vegetables, doesn't eat many.
I guess the only point to my rambling is to point out that although we may look like a healthy couple together, for whatever reason it is very easy for him and extremely difficult for myself.
SO, maybe we should give overweight people a LITTLE benefit of the doubt in that SOME of them may have a different body type like myself that makes it more dificult to lose weight than for other people.

Jul 9, 2008
by Anonymous

WTF! I CANT EVEN READ ALL OF THESE

omg! seriously i am SICK of hearing that having a wieght problem is because you are lazy, undisiplined and all that bullshit! i am considered "fat" because i am 5'10 and 200lbs. well let me let you in on a secret! I AM BUILT LIKE A FUCKING GUY! there is unfortunately nothing small about my build. I AM NOT LAZY! i work three fucking jobs! all three i am on my feet all day. I EAT 2 MEALS A DAY, and it isnt fast food either. SO ALL YOU FUCKING SHIT HEADS WHO THINK BEING FAT IS FROM LACK OF WILL POWER OR BEING LAZY YOU CAN GO FUCK YOUR SKINNY ASS! i am a size 16 and happy. ive tried to lose wieght but it doesnt happen. i wish i could go into hollister and american eagle and get my clothes. well they just dont make them for real women. I have hips and size 36D boobs. so do you really think my bubble ass is going to fit in those damn jeans made for girls who have no curves? hell no! so everyone who is skinny by nature good for you. but us women who have real bodies more power to us. I am as healthy as they come so im not worried. i just wish all you haters would keep your mouth shut about things you know NOTHING about.

Jul 11, 2008
by Anonymous

excuses exsuses

People who think they are fat are obviously lazy. I constintly hear people that think they are to fat, then go out and drink a thousand calories at the bar and then go to whataburger and eat five hundred more... It's not hard people, it's called the gym. Good old fashion exercising has never killed ANYONE!!

Aug 15, 2008
by Anonymous

great advice "Exercise is the key to true weightloss"

I read all of it and tought it was very helpfull.
I also agree with you, cutting down on simple things most people dont think its the problem works!! such as coke or sweets!! I stopped eating sweets, the only sugar I have are the ones in fruit, and even that with moderation and I lost a whole lot of weight in just one month. But that was not all of course, I also started walking, than moved on to fast paced walking and everyday I would push myself a little . If one day I jogged for 15 mins. I would make that the next day I would jog 16 mins. or more...everyday I would push myself a little more and I feel much better too. A sensible diet and proper exercise would work for anyone but might not be enough for others there such deseases such as PCOS or conditions such as Asthma that makes you take a type of medicine constantly like hormones that makes you gain weight rapidily, making it diffficult to get it off. I have both I have severe Bronchial Asthma and PCOS so Im overweight, but Im not unhealthy or a junk food eater, I dont eat chocolate ..actually Im allergic to chocolate and a lot of other things, I have been on a regulated Doctors diet since 2005 and Im still overweight so my point is Medical Conditions can certainly effect ones weight and whoever things otherwise is just plain ignorant, and should do more sresearch and get a life !!! Im overweight but Im not unhealthy or disgusting and I dont have grease coming out of my pores, I smell good and bath twice daily and I also havent had any kinda of fast food since 2005, I also have a hot boyfriend who is not overweight and happens to think Im gorgeous, I practice sports and have loads of energy sometimes mroe than my skinny friends so stop with this missconception that overweight people are gross and just have to shut their mouths and move their asses like the ignorant and elementary individual on the first comment. because its not always like that for everyone, exercise and a sensible diet can you help you feel helthier and veryone should do it, but it doesnt always help everyone and it isnt always enough to solve the weight issue.
AND THERE DEFINETELY ARE MEDICAL CONDITIONS THAT CAN MAKE YOU THIS WAY!!!!!!!!!!

Jan 20, 2009
by Anonymous

that is so cool

that is so cool

Feb 1, 2009
by Anonymous

aoqili

that is a big rip off ..i bough 12 soap and used it as instructed and it didnt work...i even gained 1.3 pounds....someone help me plz

Feb 14, 2009
by Anonymous

overweight

I don't understand how people can say that being overweight is not a medical issue. I have been overweight for years and have changed my diet and only eat 1200 calories a day and that food is also low-fat and I exercise everyday, plus take care of 3 kids and clean the house and a full-time job. I am still 270 pounds and have not lost any weight in a long time. I have a problem with my body burning what I eat and that is a document medical conditon. So just b/c someone is overweight doesn't mean that they are a fat,lazy pig. I have done everything I know to lose this weight and I am doing what I should be doing and it doesn't come off. I wish people would get their facts straight before they start jabbing their jaws. Every person is made different and alot of doctors say the BMI is something that was made for a one chart fits all and in most people cases there are not the average one size fit all. I know people that according to their BMI they are overweight and they don't even have an ounce of fat on them. It just like my daughter with the growth charts...if you go off her weight she is overweight for her age but she is not due to the fact that she is off the charts on her height. She is 2yrs old and wears a size 5 in pants, It;s not for the waist size but it's b/c she is so tall. We are all different so people should think about what they are saying and get fact before they post stuff on these places and they look like idiots.

Feb 18, 2009
by Anonymous

Fat

Most people that are fat, just eat too much, and never exercise. But there are people with medical conditions, and some can't afford to eat anywhere but fast food places- a great example is the $1 menu. There are so many people with financial problems right now.
Some people are overweight even though the exercise an hour everyday, and eat healthy foods.
Not everyone was meant for a size 0.

Feb 22, 2009
by Anonymous

Your a fat idiot

Control yourself you fat idiot, harden up, stop making excuses for your fat self, you are a disguisting human being.

Feb 22, 2009
by Anonymous

Agree with 2nd post

Yay for the second poster!

Give us some fat people some respect!

It's soooo hard to not see an add for a calorie filled fat burger and not run (maybe drive) out and get it.

We cant lose weight, the world is against us.

It's not our fault we are lazy and lack self control, its tv's fault!

We dont have a mind of our own, we need to let TV tell us what to do, but not the health and fitness advertisements, no, no, no, its only those junk food ads.

You guys have to realise it is impossible for us to not eat junk food and do excercise, we were born that way!

Man all this typing is tiring, I need a coke, ah damn the fridge is soo far away, its in the kitchen! Oh well I'll walk this time but I might have to buy those bar fridges I saw advertised on TV, I don't really have a choice, the pressure of the TV ad just got to me, its not because im a lazy fat sh!t.

Yours truly,

Obese person betrayed by modern day marketing.