If you’ve been shot by Cupid’s arrow and you can’t get pull the darn thing
out of your heart, you’re in pain. Cupid must have been in a
particularly facetious mood the day he brought that babe or dude into
your life. Lucky you; there are so many ways to let those stinkers know
just how you feel on this Anti-Valentine’s Day. Here are some of my recent favorites.
Anti-Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 1: Heart BURNED Mini Microbes
Giant Microbes has put together a special heart-shaped gift box for Anti-Valentine’s Day. It’s the Heart BURNED mini collection of microbes and each one is an exact replica of the microbe responsible for Herpes, Pox, HPV, Chlamydia, and the Clap… just five of the sexually transmitted diseases you might wish on that bast–d.
Heart BURNED Mini Microbes
Heart BURNED Mini Microbes
Anti-Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 2: Bloody Weapons Garland
I’m not an advocate of violence, but I don’t mind metaphors, and this 7.5 foot length of Bloody Weapons Garland is explicit enough.
Bloody Weapon garland
Anti-Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 3: Bloody Shower Curtain and Bath Mat
While we’re on the subject of blood weapons, here’s another pretty explicit gift – a matching bloody shower curtain and bath mat. How very thoughtful of you too; such a practical Anti-Valentine from Amazon here and here.
Bloody Shower Curtain & Bath Mat
Anti-Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 4: Eat Your Heart Out Display
For a truly original communication of your feelings, this is a mixed media assemblage ready-to-hang (sic) display – a work of art by Suzanna Scott. A buzzard near by, the tin dish holds a human heart and the toy fork is ready to dig in. Eat Your Heart Out! (A new version is currently available.)
Eat Your Heart Out!: © Suzanna Scott
Eat Your Heart Out!: © Suzanna Scott
Anti-Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 5: Gloomy Valentine (DVD)
This really poignant short animation, produced by Warwick Burton and directed by animator Isabel Peppard, is under 6 minutes, but if it’s your pain you want him to see, this Gloomy Valentine creates a piercing impression. On DVD at Amazon.com.
Gloomy Valentine DVD: © The Dead Heart Studio
Anti-Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 6: Dismemberable Zombie
Now here’s a gift for yourself, and it might help you to get over the bum. Whenever you think of your heartbreaker, you can just yank an arm, a leg, a head, whatever… off the Dismemberable and Plush Zombie. I won’t give you all the secrets of this pull-apart doll, which you can put back together, but here’s one: You can pull the torso off to reveal its intestines! At Amazon.com
Dismember-Me Plush Zombie
Anti Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 7: Black Heart Brooch
If you’re in mourning for your lost love, or you want to remind the beast of what he or she did to you, this handmade, felt Anti-Valentine’s Day Black Heart Brooch is the height of heartbroken subtlety, especially when compared to the other hate gifts I’ve covered. (Nothing gets my dander up like heart break.)
Anti-Valentine’s Day Black Heart Brooch: © alopexia
Anti Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 8: Anti-Love Magnet
This and other ‘anti-love’ magnets can be found at Etsy. There are 14 different ones made by crafter and word lover Moira Richardson. This was my favorite. (Update: Moire’s items are no longer available but others are available here.)
Anti-Love Magnet: © Moira Richardson
Anti-Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 9: Duct Tape Roses
Nothing says love like duct tape; don’t you agree? Maybe you would rather use this tape for other purposes, but your anti-valentine would not be able to appreciate the sweetness of your gesture…. Duct Tape Roses because nothing says I hate you better.
Duct Tape Roses
Anti-Valentine I Hate You Gift Number 10: My Beating Heart
Here it is; hand over your very beating heart. If it’s guilt you want to extract, this Plush Beating Heart from ThinkGeek is your anti-valentine choice. Let that scum bag take your beating heart and keep it. It was a toy to that lowlife anyway. (Yes, it really beats.)
My Beating Heart
For other Anti-Valentine gift ideas, see
The 10 Hottest… er Coolest Anti-Valentine Gifts
10 Anti-Valentines That Speak Volumes About Love
Is He Hot Or Not? 10 Valentine or Anti-Valentine Gifts For Men That Express How You Really Feel
Keeping you posted.
