Steve Jobs, after having parted the Red Seas of Apple-land with the release of his iPod and iPhone was looking for a new challenge. So while leading the flock of the digerati to the promised land of sweet new gadgets, it was important not to divulge too much in advance. For months while keeping his secret under wraps, his followers thought he had taken ill. Others thought he passed on. But the faithful knew that something miraculous was about to take place.
News and rumors traveled by word of mouth from tribe to tribe, from Twitter to Facebook, from Cupertino to Beijing and all points in between. For 40 days and 40 nights prior to the eventful January 27, in the year of our Lord 2010, he communed with God. God sure had a lot to tell Jobs. God wanted to make sure that Jobs delivered his new inspirational toy with rules attached, so they could be best instructed how to use this miraculous new device.
So upon return from Mac mountain, Job delivered the much anticipated "iPad" in the form of tablets. And as important as this new innovation was for his flock, it was equally important that he tell them about the iPad Ten Commandments that came part and parcel. These were instructions not so much about what the new iPad had to offer – but more along the lines of what it did not.
Yes, the iPad Ten Commandments are "Don’ts" not "Do’s". However, with all good commandments, there is rationale behind these rulings, and it is important for us understand them fully before anteing up $499 and queuing up in long lnes to purchase.
So here is what God and Jobs decided.
Commandment # One – Put the iPad First. No other device should come before it, and that goes for Kindle, Sony Reader, Nook and the soon-to-be released Google Tablet.
Commandment # Two – Worship only the iPad. It only costs $10 less than the Kindle and it includes so much more.
Commandent # Three – Do not make phone calls on the iPad. Jobs already gave you the iPhone for that. However, there’s no reason you couldn’t use the iPad to make calls with Skype — Apple says that virtually all of the existing 140,000 iPhone apps run fine on the new iPad.
Commandment # Four – Do not take pictures with with the iPad. There is no front-facing camera for video-conferencing, and there is no back-facing camera to take photos. Photos are so last decade.
Commandment # Five – Do not multitask on your iPad. You cannot run multiple apps at this time. Since the iPad comes with tons of gaming options, you’ll be kept busy anyways playing "Need for Speed Shift" to worry about juggling other programs at the same time.
Commandment # Six – Do not plug your iPad into the TV. It has no HDMI output to allow you to do so. However, it’s a great device for couch potatoes to play with while watching one’s favorite shows.
Commandment # Seven – Do not plug your keyboard into the iPad. It doesn’t have any USB ports to accommodate. However, it will plug into your computer vis a vis the same cord you charge your iPhones and iPod Touches.
Commandment # Eight – Do not ‘geolocate’ on your iPad. There is no full GPS support. However, the more expensive 3G models, set to be released a month after the standard models, can pinpoint your location on Google Maps using nearby mobile towers.
Commandment # Nine – Do not confuse the name iPad with any other product. The iPad’s name has already been ridiculed, unfairly, likening it to feminine hygiene products. The word "iTampon" was among the trending topics on Twitter on January 27.
Commandment # Ten – Do not keep finding fault with the iPad. According to a New York Times report,"like the iPhone, the iPad is really a vessel, a tool, a 1.5-pound sack of potential. It may become many things. It may change an industry or two, or it may not. It may introduce a new category — something between phone and laptop — or it may not. And anyone who claims to know what will happen will wind up looking like a fool."
So, there you have it. Jobs went to the mountaintop and with a little divine intervention was able to deliver once again a new device that will continue to WOW us for an indeterminable period of time … well, at least until the next shiny thing comes along. And as far as these ten commandments highlighting what is lacking versus its attributes, as the New York Times columnist David Pogue said, "as is often the case with Apple product announcements, all these qualms will disappear once the device goes on sale."
Pogue is confident people will still be lining up around the block to buy one. He noted that many said the iPhone would flop in the period before it went on sale, and they all were dead wrong.
I for one, like praying at the altar of Steve Jobs. I find his cutting-edge products always pushing the envelope, and yes, at times…they almost feel like they were heaven-sent.
