What is it with Japan and weird drinks? Part of the answer lies in the love Japanese have for soft drinks – surveys show that about 40% of the nation’s citizens drink at least one soft drink every day. That’s about 50 million people!
In addition, trends come and go very quickly in Japan. What’s cool today is as flat as warm Pepsi Ice Cucumber tomorrow… so soft drink companies are constantly coming out with something new and (hopefully) attention-grabbing ’cause one success more than makes up for dozens of failures.
10) Unagi-Nobori Eel Soda
Unagi-Nobori soda is no ordinary energy drink, oh no… this terrific tonic is infused with a generous helping of eel extract. If you think there’s something fishy about that, you’re unfortunately right. According to Japanese folk tradition, eating eel is reputed to give one extra energy on summer’s hottest, most humid days. These days though, one doesn’t always have time for a leisurely lunch of delicious barbecued eel.
No problem – Unagi Nobori bottles essence of eel heads and bones bolstered with 5 essential vitamins in a carbonated medium. Make my medium small, if you don’t mind… and by the way, Unagi Nobori is brought to you by the nice folks at Japan Tobacco, famous for their wide range of "healthy" products with smoky flavors. (via 3Yen)
9) Fanta Furufuru Shaker
Ever made Jello using 7-Up or Grape Crush instead of cold water? The gelatin retains a little carbonation after it cools. Fanta’s Furufuru Shaker seems to be designed on the same principle; a semi-gelled drink that gets fizzy when you shake it. We don’t know how you drink it… you’d need a fairly wide straw, if not a spoon.
You’re probably best off drinking Furufuru Shaker direct from the can instead of trying to pour it out: doing so evokes the image of thick, gloopy mucus that sizzles evilly like the goop inside that nasty meteor from The Blob. Mmm, meteor mucus! (via Le Japon)
8) Enemania
Let’s see now, what name would best describe a new energy drink that’s so delicious drinking it becomes a mania? Enemania, of course! What could possibly go wrong?
Well for one thing, consumers might wonder if the product is meant to be drank conventionally or, er, via some other method involving tubes, bags and other such accessories. On the other hand, we hear Michael H. Kenyon (also known as the Illinois Enema Bandit) is free – as in, he’s been paroled after serving a six-year sentence – and would make an ideal pitch man. (via James Hadfield/Twitter)
7) Bilk
Bilk… according to my dictionary, it means “to cheat out of something valuable”. It also makes a terrible name for a new drink, unless that drink is an unholy marriage of milk and beer, in which case it’s entirely appropriate. Besides, Japanese dairy farmers are pretty much swimming in surplus milk and if Bilk doesn’t work out they could resort to something truly awful like a cheese drink (more to come).
Bilk… 70% beer, 30% milk, 100% disgusting. Supposedly, Bilk possesses a subtle sweetness that women should find most appealing. Ladies, welcome to the wide world of beer bellies, belches and lactose intolerance! Bilk can be bought at 6 outlets in Japan’s northern province of Hokkaido where bears outnumber humans 2:1. Guess they like the stuff, for their pic-a-nic baskets and all. (via Japan Probe)
6) NEEDS Cheese Drink
Well, you balked at Bilk so now it’s come to this: NEEDS Cheese Drink. Nuh-uh, that’s where we draw the line. Cheese should be enjoyed in the solid state, thank you, after shaving off slice after paper-thin slice with a fiendish funky cheese-shaving knife. NEEDS Cheese Drink, nobody needs.
In fact, it seems the only ones who DO needs NEEDS are those pesky dairy farmers in Hokkaido who “needs” to do something about growing stocks of surplus milk. If only there was some creature, sort of like a baby but still a cow, who could drink the surplus milk… ah well, never mind. (via F*cked Gaijin)
5) Octopus-Ball Soda
How thirsty does one have to be before deciding to crack open a cold can of Takoyaki Soda? That’s "Octopus-Ball Soda", by the way, and we hope you enjoy quenching your thirst while countless castrated cephalopods undergo unimaginable pain and suffering for – wait, wait, not those kinds of octopus balls! Had you going there for a sec, didn’t we?
Actual canned Takoyaki Soda is made with much more palatable (and morally acceptable) ingredients meant to evoke the delicate flavor of tender baked spheres of chopped, seasoned octopus in a light and fluffy batter. Still thirsty? (via Nana Yanagisawa)
4) Okkikunare "Bust-Building" Drinks
Okkikunare is Japanese for “make them bigger”, and do we really have to tell you what “them” refers to? Well, maybe we do – the world definitely doesn’t need more moobs.
Made by Welcia, the special bust-boosting ingredients in Okkikunare drinks are isoflavones and plant-based estrogen analogs reputed to stimulate the female hormone system. Seems a little sketchy to us… then again, the drinks are also sweetened with high-fructose corn syrup, which has been linked to obesity. Therefore, EVERYTHING gets bigger the more you drink. (via DumpSoda)
3) Kid’s Wine
Kid’s Wine – not just a road trip complaint anymore! Kid’s Beer topped our list last time around but did you know the same company, Sangaria, makes “wine” specially made for children? Well of course they do: beer is a notorious gateway drink and the wee rugrats can’t be expected to make the leap to Kid’s Scotch in a single leap, amiright? (via Sangaria)
2) Swine Placenta Drink
From Kid’s Wine to Kid Swine… As odd as the former may seem, Kid’s Wine has got nuthin’ on the latter: Placenta 400000 Drink made with swine placenta. You know, ladies, there comes a point where bizarre beauty potions intended to make you luscious just make us nauseous – and Nihon Shokuten’s gag-worthy series of placenta products are a prime example.
Made with only the finest porcine placentas – possibly 400,000 of ’em per bottle – this revolting tonic should come pre-packaged with mints because there’s nothing worse than placenta-breath in the morning. (via Japan Trend Shop)
1) Fukucup Sake
Ah yes, Fukucup 200, the sake that insults as it inebriates! One might even say drinking it will f*** you up, but that would mean reading the side of the handy single-serving can. Some translations of the word "fuku" indicate a wish for good luck; sort of the opposite of the English expression it so closely resembles. (via 3Yen)
And there you have it, Ten More Weird and Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks. And, in case you were wondering, no Pocari Sweat again this time. Not even the doggie version, “Pet Sweat”. Strange as it sounds, Japan can do much better… or worse, as the case may be.
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UPDATED! Originally published on July 28th, 2008
